Labour Councillor, Anti-Porn Campaigner and Rabbis Lead Anti-Zionist March

Linda and I had our Saturday afternoon shopping trip to Harrods completely ruined by a tiny but incredibly annoying anti-Zionist march blocking the street outside our flats (left). This gaggle of terrorists were calling for Sheikh Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah to replace Julian as Mayor of Hackney and making totally unrealistic demands for utopian measures such as "peace now" and "make Stoke Newington restaurants accessible to wheelchair users". All 57 varieties of the Stokey radical fringe were represented amongst the four marchers, who I have been able to identify as follows:

1. Hamdy Shahein - An Egyptian terrorist masquerading as an "anti-porn campaigner" and Stoke Newington newsagent. The basement of his corner shop provides the secret meeting place for thousands of Muslim fundamentalists to exchange political ideas, recipes for explosives and second-hand copies of "Motorcycling Weekly" with local Trotskyists.

2. Angus Mulready-Jones - An Egyptian terrorist masquerading
as a Labour Councillor for Dalston Ward.

Under a cover of respectability as Chair of the Parent Teacher Organisation at nearby Sir Thomas Abney Primary School, this man is actually a subversive studying international terrorism at the infamous London School of Economics, home of left-wing sit-ins and anti-establishment attacks in the 1960s.



3. Avraham Grohman - An Egyptian terrorist masquerading as the leader of Neturei Karta, an organisation of rabbis who reject the modern State of Stoke Newington and await the coming of the Messiah. These fanatics believe that the "coming" will turn drab N16 into a bright and colourful "Toontown" paradise. The fanatical leader is believed to be aided by his lifelong love and femme fatale, a voluptuous woman by the name of "Jessica" who is believed to be shortly expecting a baby.

4. Dave Spart - An Egyptian terrorist masquerading as Stoke Newington Libertarian Marxist, journalist and historical novel author David Osler.

Spart took part in the march as a proxy for Leon Trotsky, Tony Cliff, Gerry Healey, Paul Foot and Ted Grant, who were unfortunately unable to attend.

He rushed off shortly afterwards to catch a plane to Havana, where he was due to report back to Fidel on the progress of the demonstration.


All of this reminds me that I must get the builder chappies back to change the sign over my supermarket and off-licence downstairs.

I bet they deliberately missed out the "e" from my name, so I would get less trade.

They're probably a bunch of anti-war Muslim rabbi LSE fanatics, secretly masquerading as shopfitters.