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Friday, May 02, 2008

Off To Pray For A Miracle

"The Miracle of London by Octavio Ocampo"I won't be blogging after this post as I am dragging myself along to Alexandra Palace for the final stages of the London count. Before that though I will be having lunch at the Geffrye Museum cafe with Augustus Akehurst and two other under-3s, which will remind me what life in the Labour Cabinet could have been like had I become an MP and progressed from there.

I'm not praying for Ken to win, of course. That would be a miracle. No, I'm praying that the results for the North East constituency sufficiently obfuscate the Hackney vote that no-one notices any inconsistencies between today's count and the 2002 and 2006 local election results. The last thing we want in Hackney is for some smart arse from a university in Vilnius to write reports breaking down the vote and claiming that it shows irreconcilable discrepancies with the Borough local election results and asking how that could possibly be the case.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

"The last thing we want in Hackney is for some smart arse from a university in Vilnius to write reports breaking down the vote and claiming that it shows irreconcilable discrepancies with the Borough local election results and asking how that could possibly be the case."

Shurely, shome mishtake? Has this happened before?

Honest said...

Are you saying there are some shenanigans going on in Hackney?

I think I remember at the last general election Jules Pipe inviting Blair to Hackney to celebrate yet another enormous Labour win in Hackney. Blair ignored the invite apparently because the figures in Hackney looked so dodgy and he didn't want to draw attention to the fact. Did you know there are around 30,000 postal voters in the borough.

Luke Akehurst said...

What on earth are you two on about?

I'm just saying that we often achieve spectacular results in Hackney elections due to our dedication and hard work.

Occasionally the results are so spectacular that nobody believes them - but that just goes to show how hard we work at it.

In 2006 some pseudo-academic from Lithuania by the name of Orntlekhe Opshtimen published a report. He exonerated us completely, saying: "In summary, I cannot state that I have detected material evidence of election fraud in the Hackney elections."

So there. Read it for yourself if you don't believe me.

lord london fields lido said...

it will be fascinating to see the ward breakdowns. i believe they include the postal votes this time.

Luke Akehurst said...

No - surely they aren't going to release that level of detailed data? OMG - it could make us look very, very bad. I'll be appealing under the Suppression of Information Act.