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Thursday, May 01, 2008

Welcome To My BBC Election Night Audience

To those of you visiting my blog for the first time after seeing me on BBC Election Night 2008 with David Dimbleby, Emily Maitlis, Iain Dale and Alix Mortimer - welcome. I must confess that I was a bit confused at first, but now they've explained to me that I'm supposed to be discussing the election results. The Representation of the People Act 2000 means I'm severely limited in the topics on which I can offer wise comment, which doesn't really impact on me much as that's my normal condition. Still - it never stopped me opening my mouth before.

Try to be sympathetic, as I'm going to be having a very uncomfortable night. All over England and Wales there's going to be bad news for the New Labour Project, to which I'm totally committed except during occasional and inexplicable fits of pseudo-left-wing insanity. And even worse, it looks distinctly possible that my conversion from rabid Ken-hater to leading canvasser for the same Mr. Livingstone may have contributed to his downfall. I do hope he doesn't blame Gordon and me publicly afterwards.

Relaxing at homeWho am I? I'm "Luke The Nuke" - ex-public schoolboy, now Public Affairs Director of one of the world's most powerful PR conglomerates. Supporter of Israel, nuclear power stations and Trident replacement and a consultant to international armaments manufacturers and UK Government outsourcing companies. And a serial runner-up at parliamentary elections. Just the sort of chap who forms the bedrock of today's Labour Party (in partnership with the Greens).

It's because I'm Labour's face of failure that I've been selected to take part in the programme on this day when my record is expected to be especially relevant to the election results. To find out more about my absurd politics and beliefs, look in the sidebar of this blog. You'll easily recognise me on TV - I'm the really good looking ginger-haired one wedged in-between the porcine Tory blogger and the two women who know something about politics. That's me, on the left (hahaha!)

Don't be fooled by this idiot, who has been going round impersonating me ever since we had an unbelievably good result in the 2006 local elections in Hackney and I started up a blog to crow about it. You can easily tell that he's a fraudster - just read his blog and look for any clues that he might be a socialist, genuinely concerned for the working class and dispossessed. Bloody hell. Robert Tressell would have had something to say about him, alright!

Happy May Day, everyone. Workers of the world, unite - you have nothing to lose but your fixed-rate mortgages.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What about those of us proletarians who've got tracker mortgages?