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Sunday, May 28, 2006

A Truly Representative Council

What pleases me most about this month's elections is that our Labour councillors truly represent the broad population of Hackney – unlike the Trotskyist underclass riff-raff, the mindless petit-bourgeois supporters of the LibDems and the Greens and the pathetic Tories (who are like bit-part actors in George A Romero’s "Night Of The Living Dead").

Our average age is just 40 – less than 2 years older than the average British citizen and 11 years younger than the average British MP. Hackney residents will recognise immediately the true extent to which we genuinely represent the voters of the Borough. The occupations of the 44 Labour councillors are:

    Central Government
    Home Office special political advisor
    Home Office civil servant
    Labour Party HQ
    Labour Party special advisor on media
    Labour Party political advisor
    Labour Party consultant
    Labour Party researcher (2)
    Managing Director
    Estate agent and property developer
    Travel agent
    Personnel Director
    Independent financial advisor
    Management consultant in health and social care
    Business analyst
    PR Director (2)
    PR consultant
    News media Director
    City media consultant
    Freelance Daily Telegraph photographer
    Music journalist
    PA to Queen’s Counsel and trainee barrister
    Criminal solicitor (2)
    Other Professional
    Biomedical scientist
    Transport consultant
    Music instructor
    Local Government
    Council PR manager
    Health administrator
    Council officer (2)
    Community development worker
    Children's project researcher
    Disabled charity campaigner
    Language interpreter and community volunteer
    Youth volunteering co-ordinator (2)
    London School of Economics student
    Retired teacher and telecoms manager
    Retired theatrical designer
    Retired community activist
    Retired Marxist historian
We also represent the local community on ethnic lines in a way that Hackney can be truly proud of. Our ethnic make-up is:


You only have to visit Broadway Market on a Saturday morning to see just how well the Labour councillors reflect the changing face of Hackney. When you look at the Broadway Market clientele and compare them with Hackney Labour you can also see how we have moved on in what is referred to in the modern vernacular as "personal lifestyle".

Now I'm not one myself as I'm sure you realise, but I'm 108% against discrimination on grounds of personal preference and some of my very best friends are that way inclined. Most of them still find it very difficult to come out openly and admit their love of Jesus, which is a shame because our Muslim and Jewish councillors are so tolerant and inclusive in their views.

As well as a couple of Christian fundamentalists, our "minority" base includes rather more gays, lesbians and bi-sexuals than would care to declare themselves publicly - although we have a way to go to catch up with other political parties in representing the community on a sexual preference basis. Where we have established ourselves as council trail-blazers, however, is in living with eachother and bearing eachother's babies - something we can be truly proud of.

Yes - in Hackney Labour we are modern, liberated and representative. Most of us are trades unionists (mainly Amicus) even though very few of us have ever done a day's hard manual work in our lives. But then, of course, that makes us truly representative of the electorate we serve. The only difference of course - and it's just nit-picking - is that most of them didn't have any choice.

1 comment:

Francis Maude said...

Can't understand the joke, old bean, if there is one. These all seem like jolly decent chaps (with the odd exception) and you should be proud to have them in the party.