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Thursday, July 27, 2006

Those Male Statue Competition Entries

Getting a grip on things in Town Hall SquareI'm delighted to announce that entries for the Sam Lloyd Town Hall Square Memorial Competition continue to flood in (see the panel on the right-hand side).

The conditions applying to nominees are:

1. They must have been deceased for at least 10 years.
2. They must have made an outstanding contribution to the Borough.
3. Many current & former Hackney residents must have good cause to
remember them.

Amongst the non-females nominated thus far are:

Julian Pipeshaft (1888–1965)

Of questionable orientation, sometimes seen facing left, sometimes rightJulian was elected to Hackney Council in 1919 when the Labour Party won control of the Borough and in 1923 became MP for Hackney South, losing his seat the following year after a compromising letter from his "pen-pal" Grigory was leaked to the Press. He chaired meetings of "The Cabinet" and held various cabinet posts including Foreign Secretary, Deputy PM and Home Secretary. His grandson "Mandy"was an advisor to Tony Blair when he campaigned in Hackney South and failed to be selected as a Labour candidate for Queensbridge as a result of hostile intervention by (then) Labour Group leader John McCafferty and his enforcer, Mark Trotter. Julian's popular little catch-phrase was "He da man", believed by some to be a reference to his extra-ordinary prowess between the sheets. His Town Hall Square statue, were he to win the competition, would be a fine accompaniment to the other statues around the borough, portraits, banner pictures, newspaper portraits and website photographs of this shy and retiring two-timing former Mayor of Hackney.

Josef Lobenstein (5510–5854)

A man who ruled Hackney with a rod of iron"Joe" Lobenstein became the first orthodox Jewish mayor of a diaspora city when in 5758 he was elected to serve for what would become three successive periods as mayor of Hackney. He caused something of an uproar when, on first being invited to take his seat in the chamber, he refused on the grounds that the council comprised a non-kosher mixture of political threads from extreme left to extreme right. Such a mixture, known as "shatnez", is forbidden by the Torah. Having arrived in Hackney in 5700 after fleeing the Nazis, Joe became the first non-Labour member of Hackney Council. He inspired future generations of Hackney politicians by "crossing the floor", when he left the Liberals and joined the Tory Party. His unbelievable resilience in facing 59 members of the Labour Party week in week out was rewarded with an MBE. Joe and his wife Bella became known by the popular little catch-phrase "Mr and Mrs Hackney" when it became apparent that they were more representative of the average person in the borough than the entire mélange of self-promoting, corrupt slimeballs sitting opposite. His control over the orthodox Jewish community in Stamford Hill was once all-powerful and was famously revealed to the world by his biographer Mario Puzo. Later in life, however, his grip on affairs became less firm and several of his "sons" and "nephews" attempted to sieze power in a series of political coups. Despite Joe being Hackney's most popular human being, I can safely say that Trotter has a greater chance of winning this competition, as a large pile of Lobenstein votes have already mysteriously vanished.

Mark Trotter (1961-1995)

Lots of Hackney's children remember this manA well-known local figure in the 1980s, Mark Trotter worked for Hackney Social Services at Trowbridge House children's home from 1981 to 1993. He served as a Labour-nominated governor at a local school and was Labour Party Election Agent under then Labour Group Chief Whip Chris Bryant (now MP for Rhondda) when Tony Blair was invited to re-apply for Queensbridge ward selection at a later date, preferably on an all-female shortlist. Trotter was reward for this excellent decision by himself being shortlisted for a Council seat.

Mark was subjected to the most disgraceful tirade of false accusations by opponents of the Labour Party, mostly LibDems working for subversive organisations such as the BBC, the Evening Standard, the NSPCC and The Hackney Groveller. These dastardly cowards accused Trotter of being a paedophile responsible for the serial sexual abuse of dozens of the 400 children in his care, several of whom had subsequently died of AIDS. They falsely claimed that Mark had been reported to the Council at least three times during the 1980s for alleged child abuse, for "suspicious behaviour" involving "young visitors" to his flat and for beating up his lover and illegally evicting him. They also claimed that Hackney Council was aware that police raided Trotter’s flat in 1989 in a search for child pornography. Worse still, several members and officers, some still actively serving the borough today, were maliciously smeared. A Labour Party member and former Senior Manager in Social Services was accused of privately advising a Labour councillor not to let Trotter take care of her young children, whilst failing to report her concerns to the police. Another Councillor, still serving today, was falsely accused of declaring that Trotter deserved a statue in Town Hall Square.

Luckily, Hackney Council was stoutly defended against these attacks by Syd Barratt ("Dark Side Of The Moon") who led a completely independent inquiry which found that there had been no cover up or corruption in Hackney Council’s handling of the Trotter affair and that everything was the fault of media sensationalism. In his report, Syd explained that Trotter had not been found guilty of any charges, as in one case the complainant had courageously decided to withdraw allegations and in the other case Trotter had heroically managed to die of AIDS before the charges could be brought.

P.S. Syd Barratt subsequently apologised profusely for having been "forced to arrive at these conclusions" and retired due to profound and incurable mental illness.

Keep the nominations coming in - there's still plenty of time before the competition ends.


Anonymous said...

I'll vote for that! The nasty people keep writing such horrible things about Mark, none of which are true. When he stayed with me he was such a lovely boy, never any trouble round the house. Mark was a model tenant and more than that he was my very, very best friend in all the world (hic!).

We used to have such lovely times on a Friday night opening a bottle or two or three and having a laugh about boys and life and things. I was proud to speak up for him at the hearings and I want to cast my vote for him to win the statue competition (hic!).

Can you please withold my real name because there are so many nasty people out there who accuse people of things (hic!). And besides, I wouldn't want to lose my seat on the council after all these years.

Anonymous said...

Data Watson we need data

Anon, Mark Trotter Landladies Association said...

On behalf of my association I do hope that you will continue to maintain confidentiality in respect of our membership list ("memlist"). Several of us are still around and we would not like our names to be dragged through the mud after all these years.

Molly Grungewald said...

I know my eyes aren't what they used to be, but don't I spot one of your landladies in that picture - you know, the one that has been falsely accused of showing portraits of "volunteers" masquerading as contestants for Hackney Big Brother 2006? I'm getting very confused with all these inter-twined stories. It's not at all like Radio 4.

Anonymous said...

not Artie Porn-Shack perchance?

Anonymous said...

Two hands on two penii - must be a statue of Our Great Leader, shurely?

Anonymous said...

As someone who knew Mark when i was a child.....Sorry to burst your bubble anonymous,I know from personal experience that it is true.
Choose your friends,and who you stand up for more wisely.
No way he should get a statue!!!
Maybe you view would be different if you had been 15 or under when you met him!