Final Blogger Results

I'm pissed off by Iain Dale's final blogger rankings. Considering that I only started doing this to explain how come we achieved such totally implausible election results in the May local elections, and, having seen Dale's criteria here: I can't understand why I didn't come top. Obviously it was a Tory hoodie-hugging fiddle.

The criteria are:

1. Write something every day.	Nearly. I blog most days but sometimes it gets a bit heavy with Weber Shandwick, because I piss about doing this for large parts of the day and sooner or later they are going to catch on and wonder why they pay me such a large salary for running a personal glory-seeking blog instead of doing what I am paid for. Also Linda is going to get even more pissed off if I blog in the evenings when I should be changing nappies. She says I am old enough now to change my own.
2. Don't write an essay. Be short and snappy.	Short and snappy is not quite my thing. I like to drone on and on and on and on and on and on until only Manchester students can stand reading it and even then it is because they have essays to write on "Compare the writing style of Thomas Hardy with that of the modern day." But I'm trying. Very trying.
3. Interact with your readers who make comments.	Absolutely. I'm the first to point out to the little f**k-faces of Hackney that they are talking out of their a***s.
4. Don't try to copy another blog. Make yours unique to you.	I think I can safely say that there are only two blogs in the entire blogouniverse that are unique to me.
5. Choose a blog name that is easy to remember and not too long.	I've fallen down on this one a bit by promoting my family name in the title, whereas my stalker only uses my first name. But overall it's not bad. Twenty characters (including spaces), which is only three more than Iain Dale's Diary.
6. Don't pander to what you think people want to hear.	I get 11 out of 10 for this one. Almost no-one wants to hear the crap that I spout. I never pander to the vegetables in the Labour Group and I certainly don't pander to the peasantry of Hackney.
7. Be controversial, but not for the sake of it.	I don't understand this one. What's controversial about being a good Labour Party member who wants to resurrect the Crusades, privatise all public services, nuke trouble-makers and drink the Frogs out of claret?
8. Don't be afraid to offend or be offended.	You gotta be kidding. I've been both offending and offended since I was born!
9. Link to your favourite blogs and ask them to link to you.	I link to "Keeping The Christian Faith" and also to several of the blog sites that came in the top 100, including "Iain Dale", "Bloggers4Labour", "Bob Piper", "Harry's Place", "Tom Watson" and "Dave Hill". Some of them even link to me.
10. Sign up to a stat counter which can track how many hits you get.	I have. Iain Dale still gets about 1,000 times as many hits as me. What am I doing wrong?