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Friday, September 22, 2006

Hackney Council - An Apology

Oh Hackney, my HackneyFollowing a meeting last night with representatives of Messrs. Lye, Spinnit & Hyde, I wish it to be known that I apologise unreservedly for a number of errors and inaccuracies in an article published by me on this site yesterday.

These inexactitudes arose as a result of my having mislaid my spectacles, in consequence of which I misread certain statements published in the excellent and thought-provoking local newspaper "The Hackney Groveller".

At no point in said publication was any suggestion of impropriety made in respect of any elected Member of Hackney Council, with the possible exception of those on the opposition seats and those whose membership ceased prior to my arrival in Hackney.

I would like to make clear that, without exception, members of Hackney Council Labour Group are fine, upstanding members of the community. Not one of these persons has ever been involved in, or associated with, any offences including but not limited to property misdealings, cultural vandalism, misuse of land, abuse of grants, insobriety whilst on duty, misuse of assets, bribery, corruption, election fraud, misrepresentation, contract violation, issuing false claims, CV fraud, moonlighting, cheque fraud, nepotism or breaches of code of conduct. Nor are any associated in any way with any properties in the village of Cómpeta in Andalucia.

The article in "The Hackney Groveller" made no such suggestions. It did, however, raise concerns about the behaviour of certain Council staff. I am unable to comment in detail at this time due to ongoing investigations which may lead to criminal prosecution. However, Internal Audit has asked me to confirm that strenuous efforts are underway with a view to identifying and addressing any misdoings and their perpetrators. With this aim, they will be interviewing all Council security staff, cleaners, porters, drivers, office administrators and refuse disposal operatives in a determined effort to find someone to take full responsibility.

2 comments:

Ferris Bueller said...

I'm glad to see that you have retracted the outrageous suggestion that my newspaper might criticise our fine upstanding councillors, especially those who grace the columns of my accounts ledger with the funds from their excellent advertisements.

I trust that there will be no repeat of such incidents, or my solicitors Pisspore, Rye, Ting and Wonga will be in touch.

Clear Hardly said...

Apology not accepted, Luke. Get real. The Council's new Ante-Corruption Audit is a once in a lifetime opportunity to remove the Council's derelict old financial records and replace them with shiny new ones. You cant stop the waves of progress Luke so stop being an utter and complete Cnut. The independent auditors, Frank Frankley & Co., have confirmed that all the old records are unsound and that it is totally uneconomic to restore all those missing pages. And there's no truth in the rumour that Frank knew, when he wrote the report, that he was in any way related to F Frankley & Co who got the job of working with Syd Barrratt to remove the old records or that Mayor Pipsqueak realised he'd already given Syd & Frank the job months ago when his Cabinet voted to do so the other night. So enough of this carping Luke – the new financial records will demonstrate Hackney is a pristine bastion of public probity, and just in time for the Olympics.