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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Pink Pots, Blue Kettles & Yellow Sheep

"The public are not interested in ministers being changed - they want the Home Office to be changed", thunders John Reid. "The fact is I'm in there changing things and I will continue to change them", he says.

In a joint message to the nation echoed by the other main beneficiary of a split Home Office, Lord Chancellor Charles Falconer, Reid has unveiled his master plan to address a "dysfunctional" Department "not fit for purpose". These proposals to radically reform the shape of Government and, more importantly, to radically change the balance of power within the Cabinet, have received the overwhelming backing of current and former Ministers. Only the usual disaffectees, Charles Clarke and David Blunkett, are actively opposing the plan.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the House we have the spectacle of William Hague proclaiming the plans to be "an admission of failure" and blaming Gordon Brown for the mess. With characteristic originality, LibDem Nick Clegg described the plans as "clearly an admission of failure".
We must separate judicial matters from security issues
William Hague in a
fetching pink spotted tie

We must separate security issues from judicial matters
John Reid in a
fetching pink spotted tie
So whose idea was splitting the Home Office in the first place? Does the "patronising bastard... hard-knuckle bruiser... [and former] Communist" John Reid look to you like someone who ever had an original thought in his entire life?

To find the answer you need to go back into the murky depths of history - a full nine months ago - and read the speech by Patrick Mercer calling for the establishment of a Department for Homeland Security. The Tories may be eagerly opposing Knuckle-Duster's proposals now, but Reid's proposals to separate off the embarrassing stuff around prisons, sentencing and probation and leave behind the exciting stuff around immigration, border security and terrorism sounds vaguely familiar to me.

The only difference between our proposals and the Tory proposals is that we will chuck the rubbish out into an existing Department, whereas they wanted to take the good bits out into a new Department. As with so many of New Labour's great policy ideas, we've nicked it from the Tories and given it a neat pink twist.


Chris Paul said...

What have you done to your template mate? Cream text on cream background with primrose headins and only links visible? Is that intentional?

Meanwhile ... perhaps your readers would like to partake in another poll?

Well well well Guido! Well done I suppose for confounding my Fawkes-esque kite of a story that you had recorded the interview BEFORE running the poll on whether to take part. I have posted a grovelling apology near the top of the blog.

Meanwhile I have changed the question slightly on my earlier poll HERE and also given a NO option which replaces yet another YES option.

Unfortunately I don't know how to correct the pollster's result site to the new text so you'll need to crunch up your eyes and use your imagination.

Saving Guido from re-execution has become the same answer as allowing him execution by drinking himself to death.

Come on you Tory bloggers! Moderation off please. (Dale and Fawkes have switched on) Meanwhile cranks can come and rant over on my site - shame the google adverts aimed at ranting mavericks - pile cream, hairpieces and viagra - are not yet in place. But hey ho.

Chris Paul said...

Sheesh. You have comment moderation on? You of all people? Bogus Luke doesn't even bother with that. Though I suppose he gets less hits.

Chris Paul said...

Withdraw that comrade. Qick work.

Luke Akehurst said...

Are you drunk, man? My template is dark blue with yellow headers and footers and light blue links. And why are you calling me Guido?

And I haven't got comment moderation turned on - I've just got the validation turned on so robots can't post to the site.

Whatever you are smoking, can I have some please?