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Sunday, March 18, 2007

Stop The Griping And Glow With Olympic Pride

I was delighted to read this positive lead article about the Olympics in The Times. "Stop the griping — the Games will transform a down-at-heel part of London" bellowed The Thunderer, and I couldn't agree more. I fail to understand why the BBC and much of the press sounded so shocked at Tessa's announcement that the projected costs of Britain hosting the Olympic Games have experienced a teeny weenie bit of inflation.

The East End - radiating a warm welcome to the world Regular readers will know that last November I forecast a £10.2bn final bill for this wonderful event. I know I was a bit half and half about the project back then, but in the interim I've realised what the Olympics will do for the image of East London under a Labour government.

Tessa's latest announcement is a cost of £9.35bn which, if my maths is correct, leaves £850,000 to spend on additional inflation before my projection is exceeded. And that's before we add in the £2.7bn contingency fund already allocated. So there will be gallons of wonga sloshing about to address the one or two very minor aspects of the Games that we initially overlooked.

These trivial engineering issues were voiced by Rudolf Rassendyll in a grossly embellished and over-exaggerated readers' response section, tucked away at the foot of The Thunderer's very same lead article.

According to Rassendyll, the site is a polluted marsh full of WWII unexploded V-1 flying bombs and any structure will slowly sink into the ground during the opening ceremony unless the site is cleared to depth of at least 20ft and Venetian style piles inserted. It will also be necessary to damn the river Lea river and prevent any seepage around the edges of the reservoir thus created.

So what's a few rusty old bits of metal packed with mouldy explosive? And a few drops of water that need capping off? No problem with a contingency reserve as large as ours. What does give me just a little cause for concern, however, is the little issue of thorium isotopes.

Still, every cloud has a silver lining. The presence of radioactive contamination on the site could save us a fortune on night lighting and security costs. Olympic athletes and others wandering the pleasant landscaped gardens after dark should all be able to see each other clearly. Guy and I will drink to that. Cheers!


Karen Cross said...

Should we have a whip round?

wan kin (socialist) said...

Shurely Guy and I will drink to anything, hic!

Clear Hardly said...

Luke – if you and Guy fancy an unusual drink why not try some of the water running off the Olympic site into the river Lea. Samples have recently tested positive for thorium - so the site’s radioactive contamination is now proven. It’s the nuclear legacy, not the “the Olympic legacy”, that’s to cost fortunes. Luke isn’t the solution simply for the athletes and punters to wear white overalls and gas masks? It would save fortunes and generate TV revenue – with pay phone lines for punters to guess who the winner of this or that event was before the athlete's mask is removed.

Hymie Goldberg said...

I'm sure Lord Levy could get a whip round in to help