Quality Labour Candidates With Quality Leaflets

I can't claim that this blog is always honest and sensible, but the prize for Alan B'Stard post-WWII election leaflet must surely go to the ex-Ugly Rumours member and Labour council candidate in Sedgefield, Co. Durham, for this gem:

"I look forward to living once again in County Durham with my wife Cherie when elected."	"Where?"
"I believe an M.P. has [a] vital task to know and work with the community he represents..."	"Where?"
"To put the best possible case for that community in the House Of Commons."	"I've got a few more important things to think about."
"Her [Thatcher's] hardline policies are both cruel and wrong."	"Just wait to see what I can do."
"Caring and compassion for Mrs. Thatcher are dirty words."	"I believe Mrs. Thatcher's emphasis on enterprise was right."
"Labour has a completely different view of where Britain should be going."	"As I said to the President [Bush] yesterday, this country will stand ready to help in any way that we can."
"Young people should not be required to face a future of dole and despair."	"Tomorrow's potential troublemakers can be identified even before they are born."
"They [the Tories] encourage the rich to spend billions abroad every year. This isn't sense - it's insanity."	"If there is one thing Britain should learn from the last 50 years, it is this: Europe can only get more important for us."
"Under Thatcher, unemployment has risen by 2 million."	"Under me, unemployment has been hidden by shoving it into invalidity and re-training."
"Under Margaret Thatcher, Courtaulds in County Durham has closed."	"ICI/Courtaulds used to employ 30,000 staff in the North-East but sold its last Teesside plant last year [2006]."
"Under Margaret Thatcher, Thorns has seen major job losses."	"Where?"
"Under Margaret Thatcher, Black & Decker has axed workers."	"Under me, Black & Decker cut thousands of jobs at its Spennymoor plant in County Durham and moved them to the Czech Republic."
"Fourteen million people in Britain now live at or are near to the official poverty line."	"The number of people living in poverty in Britain last year rose from 12.1 million to 12.7 million and child poverty is rising again with 3.8 million children living below the relative poverty line in 2005/06 after housing costs are factored in."
"Manufacturing industry has slumped 19% over 4 years."	"Under New Labour, well over a million manufacturing jobs have been lost."
"Fewer houses are now being built than at any time since 1920."	"The UK needs at least 4.4 million new homes between now and 2016 to cope with demographic changes."
"Brickworks are buying more and more land to store bricks, while more and more people need a home."	"Tesco is buying more and more land to prevent its competitors from opening supermarkets, while more and more people are eating an unhealthy diet."
"Old peoples homes are being closed."	"Care home owners are insisting that £501 a week is not enough to cover costs."
"Thousands of nurses want to work but don't have jobs."	"Thousands of doctors want to work but don't have jobs."
"Prescription charges are up from 20p to £1.40."	"Prescription charges in England, Scotland and N. Ireland have risen 20p to £6.85."
"The incompetent Tories got us into the Falklands War [which] is costing us billions."	"Yes, I know I said 'Mine is the first generation able to contemplate the possibility that we may live our entire lives without going to war or sending our children to war'. My lying got us into the Iraq war which has cost $2.5 trillion and the British government more money than would have been necessary to eradicate all poverty in Britain."
"The Tories would rather spend £10 billion on Trident missiles than try to stop the growing nuclear arms race."	"Once my wife goes to sleep it takes a minor nuclear explosion to wake her. We will buy four new nuclear-armed submarines at a cost of £20 billion. That should wake her up."

What the hell. Fill in the rest yourselves.