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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Big Friction

I am keen to point out that Respect member Carole, who has just entered the Big Brother house, is NOT representative of East London residents. Unlike most East Enders, she does not get too upset if bogus bloggers spell her name incorrectly.

Hazel Blears, don't make me laugh - I'd crack her head between my kneesUnlike most Big Brother contestants who are shy and retiring, London-based Carole Vincent (53, single, unemployed and looking for excitement) is an early favourite to cause a rash of friction in the house. As a professional sexual health worker, she may also be well placed to treat friction rashes in the house.

Carole has been a protestor for over 20 years, involved in various campaigns from the Greenham Common Women’s Peace Camps to more recent anti-Iraq war rallies and her ambition is to meet Nelson Mandela. A born and bred Londoner, Carole has spent most of her life actively involved in politics and welfare issues. "If people want an argument, here's the f***ing argument!", she says. While other housemates are sleeping, Carole, who suffers from Night Eating Syndrome, likes to binge on up to four meals per night.

Carole has much in common with Tony Blair. She is a fan of Peter Kay and Ricky Gervais and there is an ugly rumour that 20 years ago she may have performed in a band called Fancy Footwork. Unlike Tony, who managed to avoid any contact with tattooists on 6th May, Carole is considering a tattoo for her 54th birthday.

Carole polled just 471 votes in last year's local government elections as a Respect Party candidate in the Markhouse Ward of Waltham Forest. So the fact that she received the best reception by far from the crowd on entering the Big Brother house illustrates that when it comes to politics in Walthamstow it's possible to be reviled one minute and wonderfully popular the next. It's all down to how the PR is managed. Which, as someone seeking parliamentary nomination for Walthamstow, cheers me up no end.

Carole would like to find love in the house. "I am gonna shake it something rotten and they will be shaking s***less." When it comes to men, bisexual Carole is known to prefer those with more generous proportions but ten or fifteen years less age. "I like to get hold of them by the love handles and give them a f*****g good shake, rattle and roll", she says. So thank God I'm only the sort of nerd who sits up on a Wednesday night watching Big Brother on TV and not the sort who actually volunteers to take part. Otherwise I dread to think what might have happened.

1 comment:

Fred Bradford said...

Big friction? Not with me, mate. Mind you, I fancy a go at that chipmunk girl. Or if she's not free, that tall Benn woman.