Brown Noses Across The Line

Having been an active supporter and friend of Gordon since that night we met for dinner at the now-defunct Granita in Islington, I was specially invited to attend his press conference this afternoon.

I was pleased to hear more of Gordon's policy thrust - a Constitutional Reform Bill (well, we've got to do something to try to restore public trust in Government), affordable housing (housing that a typical Labour Councillor can afford) and an immediate priority of sorting out the pig's a**e we made of the NHS under whatsisname. I wanted to ask Gordon about Tom Scholar and his girlfriend, but I thought I'd better keep my mouth shut on that one.

Brown was relaxed and cheerful, dressed in a smart brown suit and shiny brown shoes. He wore a large brown smile, as most people would have if they just got endorsed by 313 of their colleagues. As more and more CLPs meet over the next few weeks it is going to become abundantly apparent that the party in the country is as united behind him as the party in Westminster is. In fact it will become harder and harder to detect any noses of a different hue. Brown as far as the eye can see! And it's Balls all the way! I think we can expect a very senior position for Ed in Gordon's cabinet.

Amidst the joyous throng there were - as always - a tiny handful of traitors who will be dealt with in the customary fashion. Just so you can tell them what you think of them should you have the misfortune to meet one, the renegade back-stabbers who refused to show the unity that our new Great Leader deserves were:

Diane Abbott, Ronnie Campbell, Martin Caton, Michael Clapham, Katy Clark, Charles Clarke, Harry Cohen, Jeremy Corbyn, Jim Cousins, Ann Cryer, Jim Dowd, David Drew, Bill Etherington, Frank Field, Mark Fisher, Paul Flynn, Neil Gerrard, Ian Gibson, Nia Griffith, Dai Havard, David Hayes, Sylvia Heal, Kate Hoey, Kelvin Hopkins, Lynne Jones, Piara Khabra, Peter Kilfoyle, John McDonell, Siobhain McDonagh, Michael Meacher, Gordon Prentice, Clare Short, Alan Simpson, Dennis Skinner, Graham Stringer, David Taylor, Robert Wareing, David Winnick and Mike Wood.

Given the length of Gordon's memory and the length of his feuds, don't expect any of these to be offered the keys to a Whitehall toilet this side of 2057.