Detailed Analysis Shows We Did Even Better!

Now that almost all of the results have been declared it can be clearly seen that Labour did even better than we thought on Friday morning.

Especially after I've been able to exercise some of my professional skills in analysing the results.

The map on the left shows that in the English local elections we maintained control of all the key northern urban conurbations, while the map on the right reveals a strong Labour showing in the south of the country.





Meanwhile, the map on the right shows the result on the basis of what we technical experts call "normalisation", which means after having been adjusted so that everything returns to normal.

In this map we see Labour in effective control of all the constituencies with no overall control and on the reasonable assumption that Labour will win all of the seats that are yet to be declared and where no election took place this time (previously shown in grey).

As you can see, the blue areas on this map are those parts of the country occupied by sheep and those people who are interested in sheep on Friday and Saturday nights, whereas the red areas represent the glorious, genuine hard-working English people - including both the working classes and those more like me.

Our performance in Wales was even better, as can be seen clearly from the results map on the left.

As everybody knows, Wales is a country where virtually everyone lives in the bits at the bottom and the top, with the middle bit full of hills and even more attractive sheep than those found in the wild parts of England.

The Atlantic coast of the province (on the left-hand side) comprises little more than windy crags and cliffs occupied by razorbills, guillemots and puffins, plus the odd celtic warrior mumbling ancient Arthurian curses.

Removing these superfluous parts of the province leads to the political map on the right, much more accurately reflecting out tremendous performance!

Last, but not least, is Scotland. A huge amount of hot air has been expended on Alex "Wild" Salmon and his bunch of extras from Braveheart. From much of the nonsense in the papers, you'd think that Labour had lost control of the country.

The reality, of course, is made clear when the national boundaries are properly marked on the fraudulent maps that lefties at The Guardian and in the BBC like to flaunt. Once corrected, the maps show clearly that although the Norsk National Party did very well in the mountains and islands and Venstre did well in the highlands, Labour was the dominant force across all the parts of Scotland except the bits in the south where the rich people live.

The declared results are nothing short of a travesty and we are consulting lawyers with a view to challenging the result.