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Tuesday, January 01, 2008

A Tragedy For Hackney

Like thousands of loyal Hackney residents, I'm still reeling with the shock after reading the Palace announcement this morning. I'm sure it must have been an administrative error. Perhaps the computer disk containing the honours data was mislaid and the information was confused during the rush to reinstate the list. Whatever the truth, it's a tragedy that Julian only received a CBE and not the knighthood that he - and we - had all expected.

Shurely shome mishtake? Did the queen confuse Julian with Leslie Phillips?

As one of the country's leading political bloggers, I had of course started to prepare the announcement several months in advance. I'd sketched out something about Julian's unflinching courage, the secret brotherhood rites including making pictures of crosses disappear, Julian's gorgeous pouting former assistant Jessica and his brilliant wheezes to raise revenues for the Crown. Indeed, only after Christmas I was adding some finishing touches to the article with a couple of paragraphs about the last public degradation at Westminster Hall in 1621, when Sir Francis Mitchell was found guilty of 'grievous exactions' and had his spurs broken and thrown away, his belt cut and his sword broken over his head. Just as a piece of general background interest, you understand.
Julian Pipeshaft - a man with all the qualities expected of a great leader of Hackney
Unfortunately, it's now a blog post that will never be read.

Still, at least Julian took the news well. When I phoned him to commiserate, he told me: "I suppose it could have been worse. It could have been an OBE!" That's Julian for you. Always looking at the glass half full. I just hope David Barnardo, Jasper Conran, Richard Griffiths, Penelope Letts, Kylie Minogue, Philip Reed, Jason Robinson, Douglas Slocombe, Gordon Taylor and a few other recipients of the lower order will recognise that his attitude of superiority is soundly based. And that those only worthy of the "plebs' gong", or MBE as it was formerly known, will look up to an inspirational leader and Commander of The Empire, if not a Knight of the Realm. God bless you and may you live for ever, Ma'am.


wan kin (socialist) said...

So ... how soon before we see Pipeshaft featured on this honours list!

andy barrow said...

I think we should learn more about the gorgeous, pouting Jessica.

Anonymous said...

Hackney Council had to pay more than £10,000 to get Pipeshaft a knighthood.

Cedric Smythe-Featherstonehaugh said...

If that's the case, we should report the matter to the Audit Commission. I demand value for my Council Tax! A CBE is simply not good enough.