A Quiet Weekend In Hackney

There's been very little happening here in Hackney during the Bank Holiday weekend worthy of my attention - just the odd teenage shooting, fatal stabbing and whingeing arty-farties moaning about some nice yuppie towers we're planning to build in Shoreditch. So I'll ignore these minor inconveniences in Labour's greatest local Borough and concentrate on the matters of real interest to Hackney residents - Colombia, Tibet, Iain Dale, Charlie Whelan and the LibDems. I've got plenty of time to write about these core issues because, following my recent post on blogging from the office, I've suddenly realised how to get away with it without leaving any evidence. What I didn't notice before is that if you click on "Post Options" you can change the date and time of your posts. So I can amble into the office, sit down and write about Brian Paddick blowing a gasket, and make it look as if the piece was published earlier in the morning before I left for work. Smart, eh? There's something hot under this auburn shagpile and it isn't a steamed rice pudding!

I hope I get this right, because I made some notes before I left home but they blew away in a sudden gust of wind just as I was cycling the wrong way down Stoke Newington High Street. So I've got to write this from memory.

Iain Dale

Kim Howells

Brian Paddick

Charlie Whelan

Iain Dale owes Charlie Whelan an apology for stupidly having stated that the man responsible for Peter Mandelson getting a real job "runs a salmon fishing business in Scotland". Everyone knows perfectly well that Charlie Whelan lives in the woods outside Dulnain Bridge in Strathspey, where he runs a training centre teaching FARC militia the techniques of public relations, mountain guerilla warfare and fly-fishing. Journalists at The Observer have deserted the NUJ and voted to join Unite, Labour's largest union affiliate under President Geoffrey Robinson and General Secretary Douglas Alexander. Perhaps now we'll see an end to the anti-Brown tone that has characterised the editorial position of The Observer in recent times. Kim Howells has written an interesting letter to The Guardian, arguing that militant opposition to Chinese rule in Tibet will lead to the same failure as the burning of holiday homes in Wales by Meibion Glyndwr. The best way to make the Chinese government see sense, argues Howells, is a New Labour policy of investing heavily in high value-added business ventures such as finance, research & development and tourism. Once the Tibetans are freed from the oppression of feudal tyranny and learn how to dress smartly and say "Computer says no..." there will be a transformation of Tibetan society and they will all live happily ever after with their Chinese friends. Finally, Brian Paddick has been blowing a gasket in Comment Is Free, arguing that drivers displaying a "Glad To Be GLA" sticker or a Buddhist monk in the passenger seat should be exempt from the Congestion Charge and that the Authority should deploy an extra 200,000 armed police on the London Underground to thwart potential terrorist bombers and Brazilian electricians. Right, I'd better stop now as it's nearly lunch-time. Click on Post Options, set time to 08:55 and hit Publish Post. Bingo!