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"My favourite film is Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learnt To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb" - Luke Akehurst
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"With added foie gras, steak, soft cheese, claret and port (hic!)" - Luke Akehurst
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"By a coalition of Trots, tree huggers, anarchists, Tories and a nasty little clique over-excited about my hair colour" - Luke Akehurst

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Castle Point - I Could Have Been Rich And Famous By Now

The most depressing news I've heard in the past few days is that Bob Spink is to join UKIP. Don't get me wrong, here. The defection of a nasty, bigoted, racist crawling little Tory to an even nastier, more bigoted and racist political party is not something that would normally bother me too much.

But just think what could have happened if the rat had decided to desert the ship three years earlier. The Castle Point 2005 General Election result would have been very different.

Spink would undoubtedly have kept a sizeable chunk of his personal vote, built up over many years. But around half would have gone to the Tory replacement candidate. Leaving the result something like this.

And then I would have been propping up the Commons bar with my mate Thicko, knocking back a glass or two of claret and looking forward to my accountant performing some creative work on my expenses. Meanwhile, Linda would have been attending to my constituency mail, with Augustus at City of London School carrying out research into education options, on a substantial fee-paid consultancy basis.

Oh, how it could have been if only...


Ephraim Bananas said...

Sounds good, doesn't it? "The Hon. Luke Akehurst, MP".

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I.P. Freely said...

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