Join the Blue Ribbon Online Free Speech Campaign
Fighting threats from Stalinists and Fascists to use court injunctions and physical violence to silence free speech
The working class can kiss my arse, I've got the Councillor's job at last
The Luke Akehurst blog - The genuine Luke Akehurst weblog about politics, elections, the Labour Party and that ghastly Hackney place. Ignore counterfeit Luke Akehurst blogs - this is the genuine article from the chap who whips Hackney Labour councillors in his spare time.
Now with extra added ingredient Linda K Smith. Helps wash your family whiter!

"My favourite film is Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learnt To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb" - Luke Akehurst
"Funny and clever but not particularly nice" - Time Out
"With added foie gras, steak, soft cheese, claret and port (hic!)" - Luke Akehurst
"In gustatus perquam putidus est" - Vatican Bank
"Not so much 'Who's Who?' as 'Who's Sleeping With Whom?'" - Peter Mandelson
"You can judge a blogger's politics by the colour of their blog banner" - The spoof Luke Akehurst
"By a coalition of Trots, tree huggers, anarchists, Tories and a nasty little clique over-excited about my hair colour" - Luke Akehurst

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Hackney Big Brother 2006

Big Brother contestants gather on the Town Hall stepsHere they are at last... the gang you've all been waiting to see, posed for a final photograph before they climb the steps of Hackney's very own Big Brother house to start their great adventure!

Despite many rumours of the show's demise, Hackney Big Brother is back with you for a brand new series that promises to be the best yet!

Several shady characters, plus one or two shadedVoting lines are already open and selecting the person you most dislike couldn't be simpler. To evict a housemate, dial 09011 69 88 followed by the two digit code shown in the outline picture. So, for example, to evict Sharon dial 09011 69 88 05 or to evict Jamie dial 09011 69 88 41.

The shaded outlines represent two girls and three boys who were in hiding during the publicity shots and who will be introduced to the Hackney Big Brother house as surprise housemates later on.

So, what can we expect to see in the coming weeks? Will housemates sell off the furnishings to the highest private bidder? Will there be hanky-panky between Julian and one of the new girls? Will there be hanky-panky with one of the new boys? Who will be the first to come out and who will be second for eviction? Will Sadie speak, or just retire to the corner and take notes? How long will it be before someone notices that Augustus is only nine months old and thus ineligible to take part? Will Vinnie and Rita be caught in flagrante? Will any of the housemates be challenged as tokens exploited for public entertainment, who should never have been allowed into the house in the first place? Will anyone exploit their oversized mammary glands to gain attention and will any of the girls try the same stunt? Will Mossad special forces intervene to liberate Mike and if so, will Basa put up a struggle? Will Sem and Darren welcome the move to an enlarged household, or will the pressure of numbers finally tell? Will housemates get up to anything they shouldn't in the swimming pool? And will anyone set upon the irritating Patrick and beat him senseless before the production crew can intervene?

Just a taste of the excitement you can look forward to with Hackney Big Brother 2006!

That voting list in full:

01 Julia; 02 Luke; 03 Rita; 04 Vinnie; 05 Sharon; 06 Nargis; 07 Sadie; 08 Feryat; 09 Guy; 10 Sem; 11 Danny; 12 Geoff; 13 Sam; 14 Brian; 15 Karen; 16 Carole; 17 Sally; 18 Phil; 19 Chris; 20 Lin K; 21 Basa; 22 Ian; 23 Deniz; 24 Chris; 25 Alan; 26 Emma; 27 Patrick; 28 Clay; 29 Tom; 30 Gulay; 31 Faiz; 32 Chris; 33 Darren; 34 Julius; 35 Mutta; 36 Sophie; 37 Angus; 38 Bob; 39 Augustus; 40 Linda; 41 Jamie; 42 Jess; 43 Saleem; 44 Katie; 45 Mike; 46 Jonathan


Anonymous said...

I am not in that picture. Is it cos I is black?

Luke Akehurst said...

Now you know perfectly well that your comment is entirely fatuous and intended to give the misleading impression that Hackney Labour councillors do not represent Hackney in terms of ethnic balance.

The reality is that of our 44 Labour councillors, 3 are African, 3 are Afro-Caribbean, 4 are Turkish or Kurdish, 3 are Kashmiri or Pakistani Muslim, 4 are Jewish, 2 are Irish, 1 is a bit Indian, 7 are ginger-haired, 7 are gay or lesbian, 4 have got very good sun-tans and 4 work for Labour Party HQ – so only 2 of our councillors can be described as typical “majority community” Hackney residents. If anything, we over-represent the minority communities of the borough!

Luke Akehurst said...

I dispute your claim that 7 have ginger hair. I am the only real ginger. Who are the other 6?

Neil said...

Well done, young man. When I heard about you and the excellent work that your team has been doing in Hackney, I sped down the M4 to look for myself. Young fellow, if you ever become an MP, just remember that MP stands not just for Member of Parliament, but also for Man of Principle".

As for the cruel comments you have been receiving on the internet, keep up the good work fighting back. As I used to say: "do something that makes a difference - because, by God, there's a lot to make you angry." And always remember what my father told me, namely that: "you cannot fashion a wit out of two half-wits", whatever the hell he meant by that.

I was so pleased to see you say on your website "I would die for my country but I could never let my country die for me" because amazingly that's just what I always said which shows that great minds think alike. Although I must admit that I’m not sure I would die for your country.

I know you've always been a great admirer of me and you've never ever referred to me as a windbag, although some of your comments about Glenys's best friend Joan have been a bit extravagant and you do tend to write very short sentences which arrive at their conclusion a little prematurely for my liking.

Anyway, to the point, if I can remember what it was. Oh yes, the touchy subject of one’s carrot top. You could not be more right. Just like you, I was attacked mercilessly, in my case (inter alia) for pushing the Party back to the left, for failing to support the Falklands War, for backing CND with Glenys and Joan, for supporting Silkin and then getting his supporters to abstain on the second ballot (a bit like your clever ploy with the LibDems), for vacillation over the miners’ strike and for falling into the sea at the Brighton Conference when I said I would walk on water.

I can see that you and your team have been attacked for many things that seem to be even more pointed than the spears they hurled at me. But you have identified clearly the worst crime of all, id est the really serious issue that must be addressed before all else, namely your gingerness.

I love a man (or woman for that matter) with the right sense of political priorities. So keep up the good fight young fellow and if you play your cards right then maybe one day we’ll meet up for a pint of Brains Export in Brussels to celebrate your election as Luke Akehurst MEP.

Dymuniadau da. Dal ati!, Daliwch ati!

Anonymous said...

I overheard someone, at the spring conference, say: "Let's face it, in some of these wards, half the voting electorate would support - as a Labour candidate - a pig, if you pinned a red rosette to its chest."

Luke Akehurst said...

Anonymous - Your comment will be deeply offensive to the many thousands of Jewish and Muslim voters in the Borough. I suggest that in future you restrict yourself to pinning red rosettes to the chests of headless Labour chickens previously slaughtered in accordance with kosher or halal guidelines.

P.S. My spellchecker is now turned on.