Join the Blue Ribbon Online Free Speech Campaign
Fighting threats from Stalinists and Fascists to use court injunctions and physical violence to silence free speech
The working class can kiss my arse, I've got the Councillor's job at last
The Luke Akehurst blog - The genuine Luke Akehurst weblog about politics, elections, the Labour Party and that ghastly Hackney place. Ignore counterfeit Luke Akehurst blogs - this is the genuine article from the chap who whips Hackney Labour councillors in his spare time.
Now with extra added ingredient Linda K Smith. Helps wash your family whiter!

"My favourite film is Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learnt To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb" - Luke Akehurst
"Funny and clever but not particularly nice" - Time Out
"With added foie gras, steak, soft cheese, claret and port (hic!)" - Luke Akehurst
"In gustatus perquam putidus est" - Vatican Bank
"Not so much 'Who's Who?' as 'Who's Sleeping With Whom?'" - Peter Mandelson
"You can judge a blogger's politics by the colour of their blog banner" - The spoof Luke Akehurst
"By a coalition of Trots, tree huggers, anarchists, Tories and a nasty little clique over-excited about my hair colour" - Luke Akehurst

Monday, August 14, 2006

Labour Councillor, Anti-Porn Campaigner and Rabbis Lead Anti-Zionist March

Abney Park Court, from where Linda, Jed Augustus and I look down on the plebsLinda and I had our Saturday afternoon shopping trip to Harrods completely ruined by a tiny but incredibly annoying anti-Zionist march blocking the street outside our flats (left). This gaggle of terrorists were calling for Sheikh Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah to replace Julian as Mayor of Hackney and making totally unrealistic demands for utopian measures such as "peace now" and "make Stoke Newington restaurants accessible to wheelchair users". All 57 varieties of the Stokey radical fringe were represented amongst the four marchers, who I have been able to identify as follows:

I'll never buy his newspapers again1. Hamdy Shahein - An Egyptian terrorist masquerading as an "anti-porn campaigner" and Stoke Newington newsagent. The basement of his corner shop provides the secret meeting place for thousands of Muslim fundamentalists to exchange political ideas, recipes for explosives and second-hand copies of "Motorcycling Weekly" with local Trotskyists.

One of the shiftiest looking characters seen in Hackney2. Angus Mulready-Jones - An Egyptian terrorist masquerading
as a Labour Councillor for Dalston Ward.

Under a cover of respectability as Chair of the Parent Teacher Organisation at nearby Sir Thomas Abney Primary School, this man is actually a subversive studying international terrorism at the infamous London School of Economics, home of left-wing sit-ins and anti-establishment attacks in the 1960s.


Waiting for the second coming of Toontown
3. Avraham Grohman - An Egyptian terrorist masquerading as the leader of Neturei Karta, an organisation of rabbis who reject the modern State of Stoke Newington and await the coming of the Messiah. These fanatics believe that the "coming" will turn drab N16 into a bright and colourful "Toontown" paradise. The fanatical leader is believed to be aided by his lifelong love and femme fatale, a voluptuous woman by the name of "Jessica" who is believed to be shortly expecting a baby.

Dave Spart keeps himself in political trim4. Dave Spart - An Egyptian terrorist masquerading as Stoke Newington Libertarian Marxist, journalist and historical novel author David Osler.

Spart took part in the march as a proxy for Leon Trotsky, Tony Cliff, Gerry Healey, Paul Foot and Ted Grant, who were unfortunately unable to attend.

He rushed off shortly afterwards to catch a plane to Havana, where he was due to report back to Fidel on the progress of the demonstration.


Our supermarket and off-licence, opposite Abney Park cemeteryAll of this reminds me that I must get the builder chappies back to change the sign over my supermarket and off-licence downstairs.

I bet they deliberately missed out the "e" from my name, so I would get less trade.

They're probably a bunch of anti-war Muslim rabbi LSE fanatics, secretly masquerading as shopfitters.

4 comments:

David King said...

How come you didn't mention the chaps from the PKK Retirement Home and Community Centre? I think they may have had some attendees on the march, masquerading as Labour Councillors.

Anonymous said...

Do your bosses at Webber Shandwick know you are running an off-licence as a bit of business on the side?

Sharon P said...

Off-licence, eh? I must come over and visit you guys soon.

Loveandcuddles

observer'sfriend said...

Can anyone round up some STW posters for sticking up on shop windows up and down Stoke Newington Church and High streets?