Mummy, Why Doesn't Anybody Like Me?

My spoof e-stalker has lost the plot. Usually their postings are pale, weak caricatures of me that are nothing at all like the real thing, but in this instance what can I say? It's so perfect I just reproduce it here for the benefit of the thousands of people who don't read the pale imitation site.

One of my hobbies is collecting insults. This seems to be remarkably easy to do if you happen to mention you support the Labour Party, or Tony Blair, or Israel, and campaign for any of those things. You can even collect insults for saying nice things about Gordon Brown nowdays. Or by being a ginger.

Anyway, here are some of the choicest ones delivered to/about me, which seem to indicate I must be doing something right:

"Akehurst, you're advancing the politics of Stalin with the tactics of Hitler" (or maybe it was the other way round! GC Delegate, Bristol West, early '90s)

"The current Labour candidate has no chance, a short red haired import from Bethnal Green who struts around like a Bantam rooster on viagra, he has managed, already, to alienate most of his party with his Blairite sycophancy... The PLP parachuted the red haired muppet in” (Tory Councillor, Castle Point, on vote2005.co.uk)

"You are the shittiest man in Labour local government" (Labour Party national officer, 2000)

"The most dangerous man in student politics" (UWE SU sabatical, 1995)

"Labour Rent Boy" (The Independent, 2001)

"A particularly nasty little LCC hack" (Labour Left Briefing, 1999)

"We thought we hated councillors until this little shite came along" (www.clissoldleisure.com)

"Jumped up spotty little red-headed upper-class shite" (my online stalker)

"a right-wing, manipulative, lying, cheating, ginger shite" (the same person on a different site)

"Luke the Nuke Akehurst, one of the puppet masters in the NOLS balcony" (Richie Carrothers, Left Unity Block of 12 candidate, NUS Conference 1996)

It's a good job I've never said anything controversial.

Don't you worry, spoofster. I'll think of something more controversial to say soon.