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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

New Swimming Pool Consultant Appointed

Following grossly exaggerated criticism of certain engineering projects in the borough - mostly in the form of outrageous smears put about by a gang of Stoke Newington anarchists apparantly led by some chap called Andrew Boff - Julian has moved to appoint an experienced consultant to sort out some minor difficulties we have been experiencing.

The new man at the helm comes with an amazing engineering track-record and should certainly make the whingers shut up. Several previous architects and consultants engaged by Hackney have been wrongly accused of incompetence and indolence.

Sir Adrian Mole, B.Eng (Basra) recently managed to excavate the De Beauvoir Lido - a 60 foot long, 100 cubic metre structure - armed with nothing more than a B&Q garden spade, a washing line, three larch-lap fence panels, some pulleys and six plastic buckets.
I'm sure we can dig ourselves out of this mess
Mole shows Pipe around new lido
Mole, 89, has recently been engaged as a B&B hotel consultant in the borough. He will start his new job in September, underpinning Julian's commitment to put the past (and the muck) firmly behind us.


Adrian Mole said...

Some people are always ungrateful.

Not only did I build the only new successful swimming facility in Hackney, but I designed it in such a way that Hackney residents could visit with ease, using the new drive-in double-decker bus service.

Anonymous said...

"Outrageous smears put about by a gang of Stoke Newington anarchists apparantly (sic) led by some chap called Andrew Boff"

No chance mate! The Stoke Newington anarchists are real ale and bitter (very bitter) drinkers. Andrew, on the otherhand, drinks with a very different crowd. He isn't called the Boffmiester for nothing!

Luke Akehurst said...

I am deeply ashamed. I spent my time at university gaining a decent education, unlike the spoofster who pretends to be me who spent his time boozing in marquees, looking for "totty" and gaining a crude and rudimentary understanding of politics. To have misspelt "apparently" is sickening.

I'm well aware of Andrew's tastes, of course, although they are not the same as my own. But he does appear to have taken on the mantle of chief natorium consultant when it comes to missives to "The Groveller" and political intercourse with its readership.

I suspect that this enterprise by "the Boffmiester" (sic) may be more connected with his desire to seek office elsewhere and that this may be a cause worth changing the imbibing habits of a lifetime for.

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