Spoofsters, David Cameron And Outflanking Manoeuvres

Readers will recall the sad fate of David Cameron - hoodie-hugger extraordinaire - who found himself so isolated by our seizure of the Conservatives' right-wing policy platform that he was forced to attack The Grand Old Bliar Party from the left.

We, the stunt has worked again, albeit at the diminutive scale of me and my little army of Manchester Labour students. I've been outrageously right-wing recently, demanding Israeli conquest of Iran, elimination of the Campaign for Labour Party Democracy, smearing of all LibDems, serving of ASBOs on anti-war flyposters, attacks on the policies of several women Labour MPs and mass desertion of the Labour Party if Oona King is re-elected. Now it seems that my spoofster has taken a tactic from David Cameron's Little Book Of Fig-Leaves and tried to outflank me from the left.

Some of his latest outpourings of risible left-wing ranting include: "I'd prefer that there was no role for religion allowed in any school and that faith schools were abolished", "I'd make it compulsory for every independent school to give 50% of their places to a mixed-ability intake from the local neighbourhood (e.g. Eton would have 50% of its intake kids from Slough on free places)" and "The idea of defining community by ethnicity is fundamentally racist".

Who do you think you're kidding, Mr. Hitler? You don't fool me and nor will you fool the great British public into thinking you are some kind of socialist. I'm sure you will give up this ridiculous strategy soon and revert to stereotype, before decent folk get really confused and, God forbid, you start to become more popular.