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Monday, September 11, 2006

Hackney Beauty

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Showing at a cinema near you
An "Independent" Production

HACKNEY BEAUTY


It was love at first contract

"I need a leader who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever a new councillor is elected. What a lame-o. Somebody really should put him out of his misery."

Julian is a 42-year-old man suffering from an ever-deepening mid-life crisis. His relationships with the women in his life are falling apart. His hair is falling out and he is rapidly turning to flab. His only remaining pleasure is jerking off in the shower.

Then, one day, his life is transformed. Invited to attend a committee meeting by his friend Geoff, Julian pops into the bathroom, only to discover that the facility is occupied by the gorgeous, pouting teen starlet, William. "What can I do for you?" asks William. "Would you like a plunge in the pool with me?"

"The pool's permanently closed", replies Julian, "but I was hoping you'd give me a bath instead. I'm very, very dirty."

The filthiest film in town - Time Out
This one will run and run and run and run and run - Hackney Groveller


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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hackney is becoming the gun capital of Europe. There's always hope.

observer said...

Do I see a prick attached to the fading rose?

Will Shakespeare said...

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?

iLikeAkehurstFanClub said...

My dearest Luke,

Forgive me if I'm a bit dim today but does this picture have any relevance to the fact that our ex-chair of Planning sub-committee and ex-Labour councillor (Andrew Hodgeson) is now purporting to be the "independent" representative on the Olympic Development Authority.

Furthermore, what would be the significance of his pose and why would he lay (or is that lie) in a bath of fading roses?

And who is that chap - getting intimate - on the left? He looks familiar.

Yours affectionately,

iLikeAkehurstFanClub

Luke Akehurst said...

Don't ask me, mate. I just subscribe to the advertising service and they post the stuff on my site. As for "that chap getting intimate" we've had quite enough of "the not very well disguised homophobia" on this site. They are genuine friends and business colleagues. Just two chaps who like to give eachother a helping hand.