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Friday, September 01, 2006

Hackney To Host Major Olympic Sporting Events


Public Service Announcement From The Mayor's Office

Olympic map, showing the media centre and toilets

Following months of negotiations with the Ohio Dental Association (ODA), the London Borough of Hackney is to be rewarded with two of the Olympic Games' most prestigious sporting events. In 2012, Hackney will be home to the Olympian sports of International Broadcasting and Media Manipulation, the events to be held in two new buildings to be constructed on the site of the former Hackney Wick Greyhound Stadium (see newly-released map above).

Mayor Julian Pipecleaner today issued the following statement: "I am delighted that Hackney will be able to host these two exciting sports, whose origins can be traced back beyond Margaret Thatcher to the days of Ancient Greece. Hackney is well-fitted to the challenges of broadcasting and media, with no fewer than thirteen of my Labour Councillors personally engaging in these sports as part of their jobs with the Labour Party and private PR, advertisting and media firms.

"These twin sports of have a famous history, with past gold-medallists including Sidney Haw-Haw (international broadcasting, 1941) and Herbert Mandelson (media manipulation 1997), both of whom had a big impact on the Borough. The award also shows clearly that, since New Labour came to power in the Town Hall, Hackney is no longer going to the dogs.

"My only regret is that Hackney was not awarded Public Urination, with the new state-of-the-art toilet facilities being built in the neighbouring Borough of Tower Hamlets. Pissing into a headwind is another sport at which Hackney excels."

A man who spun endless lies to fool the British public
Sidney Haw-Haw
The sort of chap you might find hanging round public toilets
Herbert Mandelson

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Anonymous said...

Up to your usual slapdash truth-mangling again Akehurst? You have completely omitted the fine sport that will be housed on the greatest legacy the games will offer Hackney, the "Northern Specator Transport Mall" and the "Media Transport Mall" - PARKING!

This will transform the under-utilised East Marsh into a resource of which we can be truly proud. Well done Guy 'the Chatham lush' and Nargis 'the Sport Moll'.

BloggerComment said...

Ha he ha he, very funny. I liking your blog posting very muchly. Where in hellie is der place Hockney? I am never hearing off it. Nor am I hearings about dis nue sports called parking. How many peoples are in each team?

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Anonymous said...

Wake up Miertek! Why do we need a parking mall for bloody northerners anyway?