A Moment Of Madness

Tony Blair's announcement that he intends to step down before the end of the century was designed to quell unrest whipped up within the Party by Underpants Man (left), Pudding Man and myself in order to flush the rats out of the toilet bowl. Avocado "Dip" Morrison, the man who built New Labour using no more than a washing-up liquid bottle, two kitchen rolls, some baking foil and a bit of blu-tack, said he believed Labour had experienced a "Ron Davies moment" during the past week.

Speaking to the BBC this evening, Morrison said: "It's a very Welsh affair, that started with Wayne David, moved on to the vicar of High Wycombe and ended up looking more like Wayne Rooney. The whole thing involves several rather sordid and obese politicians, a farmhouse high in the hills above Rhondda and several sheep. I really don't want to penetrate the matter in any great depth or make a big issue over it."

Avocado added: "I hope things will now move on and the shenanigans will be put firmly behind them. They've got to think of Britain and not of themselves. Ten years is a long time in politics - even longer than a week - and Tony has had to put up with Britain for all that time, whereas I have spent a good deal of it swanning around in Brussels."