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Friday, October 06, 2006

Remove All Personal Barriers To Communication

Me on my way to a ward surgeryI've been staggered by the ranting reaction to Jack Straw's perfectly reasonable remarks, asking (not demanding) constituents who meet him at his advice surgery if they would mind removing all personal barriers to communication.

Although Jack is not someone for whom I have a particular political admiration, this time I completely agree with him. It's not just an Islamic issue, of course, as my spoofster pointed out in this posting when he explained the difficulty of identifying and communicating with anti-Zionist protestors when they dress up like rabbis.

If we are all to live together in multi-cultural harmony, we need to rid ourselves of the icons of cultural difference and separation that keep us apart. We must also discard anything that shocks and offends members of other groups, or otherwise acts as a barrier to understanding and communication.

My family and I intend to take a lead on this issue and thereby demonstrate that we are not a party of hypocrites. I will start by dyeing my hair brown as many people are shocked and offended when first encountering my coiffure. Similarly, Linda will be wearing gabardine trousers in public in future.

I shall be writing to Jacqui later today to suggest some ways in which government ministers can take a lead on this issue. Last night while knocking back a few pints in Father Ted's I drafted an initial list. I didn't get time to review it this morning, so I hope it's OK and I hadn't drunk too much.

  • Tony's supercilious attitude and irritating hand gestures.
  • John's face.
  • Gordon's morose tone.
  • Jack's nasal drawl.
  • Margaret's caravan.
  • Alistair's eyebrows.
  • John's legal advisors.
  • Patricia's patronising style.
  • Tessa's screetching opinions.
  • Peter's sycophancy.
  • Valerie's snobishness.
  • Ruth's pram.
  • David's wig.
  • Hazel's superiority complex and deeply offensive hairstyle.

And if Charles Clarke ever returns to the fold, those ears will just have to go, of course...


Clear Hardly said...

Luke - so what have you got against Margaret's caravan? If she travels to Jerusalem in her customary style and arrives after its all over - so what!! Its was a masterful stroke of Foreign Office planning for her to arrive bang on time and, in the face of the world's press, be seen to bless the peace. It was so sweet - you could even see her Thermos tucked under her chair.

Luke Akehurst said...

Condi jets in on a private flight with her personal chef, while Margaret arrives on a donkey with a thermos flask. It's not sweet... it's humiliating.

Clear Hardly said...

Luke you seem to have something against big ears too - with Peter whispering over your shoulder and Tessa's screeching how else can an important politician like Right Charlie Clarke hear the sound of his own voice unless he grows big ears. Still if he wants his stall back in Ridley Market now he'll have to deal with the New Radical Muslim Womens' Feminst Collective in Arcola Street - they'll have his ears off just 'cos he was once polite to Condi. And quite right too.