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Saturday, November 11, 2006

No Lido Cover-Up Cover-Up Lie, Doh!

The Homers from the Clissold Park Anarchist Gaia Cycling And Ecological Winter Skinny Dipping Party are at it again. A chap only has to get his kit off and have a splash and the looney-tunes are out and about, moaning as usual.

One of these subterranean rats masquerading under the facetious and very unfunny name "iLikeAkehurstFanClub" has posted the following comment in response to my earlier piece on the London Fields Lido:

Your commment you made has turned out to be grossly true, unfortunately. The Lido has no heat blanket and no prospect - in the short or long-term - of getting one that can be stored, poolside. So heating the Lido to maintain a temperature of 23C is astronomically expensive.

The accusation behind this snivelling little piece of mischief is that there has been a cover-up by Julian, myself and my fellow councillors of the fact that we have re-built the lido without the appropriate facilities to ensure that it can be maintained at the correct temperature (which, by the way, is 25C and not 23C as reported by this innumerate rodent).

The suggestion is that the masses of publicity that Julian has put out extolling the marvels of London Fields bathing has all been an attempt to divert attention away from the financial catastrophe of Clissold Pool, and that we are now faced with a choice of yet more egg on our faces or a massive heating bill that will have to be added to next year's Council Tax charges.

The idea that we are engaged in a cover-up of the fact that the lido has no cover-up is simply a lie. If we wanted to pretend that there was any storage space poolside or that there was a roof, why would Julian have put this picture right across the front of the new issue of "Hackney Toady?"

The truth is that we have not covered anything up. We simply haven't yet realised that anything is wrong. When and if we do, we will sort it out as with every other slightly imperfect project we run in this Borough.

Perhaps we should send for Bob Stubbs again...


Clear Hardly said...

Luke - I find it very reassuring that Mayor Pipsqueak plans to invest my council tax contributions to provide a thermal roof for Hackney's refurbished lido. Quite apart from containing all the hot air which the lido is already generating, it will also provide further job creation and work experience for impoverished architects, consultants and the like, as the Clissold Leisure Centre's new roof is now doing. One also hopes that Mayor Pipsqueak will soon move on to his £65 million plans for a thermal roofing of the Hackney Town Hall because the containment of hot air, and indeed noise pollution, from that site will make an even greater contribution to the environment and the fight against global warming. I will remind myself of the greater good when Council funds are diverted from less pressing needs, like social services and Council estate repairs.

Derek Melbourne said...

So what we learn about New Labour is that it replaces corrupt, inept and inefficient Tories and LibDems, only to prove that it is just as corrupt, inept and inefficient. So who do we vote for? They are all letting off so much hot air it could warm the sun, never mind the earth.

iLikeAkehurstFanClub said...

My dearest Luke,

I don't know which upset me more;
that you accused me of being "one of these subterranean rats masquerading under the facetious and very unfunny name 'iLikeAkehurstFanClub'";
or, that you published my comments on the London Fields Lido, which contained confidential information, such as the cock-up about there being no prospect of a heat blanket or roof.

Furthermore, I am not innumerate. The Lido is struggling to maintain 23C and the likelihood is that we might have to go public on it and justify that soon (we are thinking along the lines of announcing it as the new temperature most suitable for the training of our future Olympiads). [Yeah, right!]

Furthermore, as I believe I have mentioned to you before - the great "She who must be obeyed" has stated categorically that we MUST NOT use the term "lie" within the Health & Social Care or Leisure & Culture departments. The approved term, as you know, is "myth".

Obviously, this message is in confidence and must not be posted on that scurrilous website you insist on dabbling with.

Yours respectfully,


Luke Akehurst said...

Oh dear, sorry. I missed the bit about not publishing your comment.

Unfortunately I don't know how to delete comments, so I guess it will have to stay.

Let's just hope nobody notices.

PS. If we have a really cold snap, won't the pool have problems trying to maintain 23C?

iLikeAkehurstFanClub said...

If we have a really cold snap, won't the pool have problems trying to maintain 23C?

my dearest Luke,

Truth be told - serious swimmers are recommended to practice in 26C not 23C or even 25C - but the idiots in the Hackney swimming clubs don't know that yet so keep it quiet, please.

As for a really cold snap ... that ain't the half of it. Check out the following websites and do the math.

We can hardly cope with heat losses based on a wind velocity of 3-1/2 miles an hour. Think what will happen when (and I mean when, not if) we get to a prologued wind velocity of 10+ mph.

Imagine the scenario .. pool water icy, hits dangerously low temperature, goody-two-shoes GLL gets scared of liability, another Hackney Council swimming facility shuts ... we are up sh1t creek, without paddle, yet again.

Ideas for upcoming defence appreciated, pronto.

best wishes,


P.S. Please delete the comment about "She who must be obeyed" or She will have my guts for garters. After all, I've no defence and I'm not busty and I'm not blonde.