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Friday, November 10, 2006

Shut Up And Swim!

So now the whingers, tree-huggers and anarchists can shut the f**k up and take a bath for once. Most of you probably need one. No wonder the subversive Clissold Leisure website has been off-line, hanging its head in shame.

You said we'd never open a swimming pool in Hackney... and you were wrong. The lido may be months late and open just as winter is approaching, but it's better than nothing. (And it sure as hell distracts attention away from the huge white elephant and drain on the public purse up the other end of Church Street from my flat.)

As you can see, I've already had a go as an invitee at the VIP grand opening. I can't wait for the weekend to come so I can jump in again, this time with Linda and Augustus, and make a really big splash. Yipee!


iLikeAkehurstFanClub said...

"it sure as hell distracts attention away from the huge white elephant and drain on the public purse up the other end of Church Street from my flat."

My dearest Luke,

The commment you made has turned out to be grossly true, unfortunately. The Lido has no heat blanket and no prospect - in the short or long-term - of getting one that can be stored, poolside. So heating the Lido to maintain a temperature of 23C is astronomically expensive. Admittedly, the PR dept has been working overtime; successfully conning the plebs that the pool will be maintained at a temperature of 25C (what would they know? Only the cripples, krinklies, wimps and kiddies will notice and why should we bother with them, now Our Dear Leader has decided to let them get wet, and clean, at a discount. Sounds like damn socialism to me!)

Having commissioned the Lido, with an inefficient and expensive heating system installed, with no roof and no heat blanket, Our Dear Leader may have set us up with another damn swimming pool fiasco before the ink has dried on our latest issue of Hackney Toady. Pipe's pools sure drain the public purse!

Time to find a new whipping post, surely?

Yours devotedly,


Edna Gribbins said...

I suggest, young man, that you and your team of councillors hold all future meetings at the lido.

That way your hot air can be used to heat the pool and perhaps my council tax will not need to rise to pay for the heating bills.

Anonymous said...


Are you wearing a nappy beside teh pool? I'm sure I saw you with other grown men on a Channel 4 programme dressed as babies getting your nappies changed by "Madames"