Dear Santa,
In 2007, the political wish list I would like you to deliver is:
- The UK getting through the year without suffering anything disastrous brought about by people who simply don't understand that it has been in their own long-term best interests that we've invaded their land, seized their oil, killed thousands of their fellow citizens, f****d up their electricity and water supplies and globally humiliated their culture.
- Iraqi security forces managing to do something useful without US and British troops standing right behind them, so that British troops can start coming home.
- Parliament voting for the UK to renew its strategic nuclear deterrent with the biggest, most spectacular "shock and awe" fireworks in the whole wide world so everyone re-learns their rightful place in the order of things and we can once again be proud to rule the waves as a great empire not to be messed with by backward people in India, China and the Middle East who need our help and guidance to develop into... I've lost track of where I was, but you know what I mean.
- Tony Blair to rule for another 990 years and 131 days, thereby turning this government into the Thousand-Year...
- Any candidates other than devoted disciples of The Great Leader to be nominated for Labour Leader & Deputy leader and then get trounced in the final vote (especially Scouse contenders).
- The universally-adored Gordon Brown to take over without an election (yes, I know I'm contradicting points 4 and 5, but please make allowances as I'm not all that bright) and hit the ground running as PM with initiatives on tackling street crime, dealing with fly-posting, providing more cashpoint machines, introducing dog buses and other measures that are intrinsically important and also unify and re-energise the Labour Party in preparation for the Thousand-Year...
- Labour to get some votes in the Scottish and Welsh elections on 3 May.
- Regime change to democracy in Cuba, North Korea, Zimbabwe, Burma, Iran, the UK and the USA (have you given me the right list, Linda?)
- More of what the Labour Government has already done to prevent mass rape and genocide in Darfur.
- Some decent main drainage pipes for my new house, because when it rained the other day there were an awful lot of gurgling noises and a funny smell and the people upstairs said it was all to do with global warming and I said well don't blame me because I don't own a car and I only use airplanes once or twice a year and maybe we should get some solar panels fitted as opposed to the stupid windmills on David Cameron's roof but on the other hand maybe we should fit the windmills to David Cameron's head...
It's going to be another great year in 2007!
I'm Luke Akehurst..... aka. "Luke The Nuke".
1 comment:
In my school in Stoke Newington they told us that Santa Claus doesn't really exist. How come someone as very old as you are still believes in him?
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