"P"s, "K"s, Lye, Spinnit & Hyde

"P" is for peerage pizza

It's not something I would normally consider - especially not at this time of year when my thoughts are very much focused on my wonderful family and on this season of goodwill to my fellow Party members. But I've had no option but to turn my back on the good services of the No.10 law unit and those of the Amicus legal department and retain the services of Messrs. Lye, Spinnit & Hyde to represent my interests at this time of political uncertainty. Quite a few of us "close advisors" are doing the same thing.

It's not that I'm expecting any conflicts of interest, of course, but once I heard that Ruth and Jonathan were engaging their own legal representation I thought it safest if I followed suit (although, hopefully, not law suit).

This nasty business started up in earnest when Chris Evans was arrested and for some inexplicable reason demanded his money back forthwith. God knows what brought on this hissy fit. After all, everyone knows that the memo police found in his handwriting was merely enquiring as to whether lunch would be a pizza ("P") or a box of Kentucky Fried Chicken ("K"). In any event we've been emptying all of the charity collecting boxes we could find and we've already paid back £137.84 of his £1m loan. But there's a spot of loan repayment trouble looming with both the Unity Trust Bank and the Co-Operative Bank and, as a member of the Co-op Party, I wouldn't like to be asked to help out financially at this time of family financial strain. Nor would I like to be questioned too closely about the new mortgage I took out recently with the Britannia Building Society (on the advice of a former Hackney resident and good friend) to buy the new flat.

"K" is for knighthood KFC

So I thought it would be wise to have a little word with Mr. Lye. Just to be on the safe side, you understand.