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Sunday, February 04, 2007

Luke The Not Nuke

I don't fancy foie gras made from the livers of these
Geese feeding on the Lee Valley site
Calling me "Luke the Nuke" has become a bit of a laugh over the past few years. It's a handle I'm happy to wear given my strident support for nuclear weapons and in particular my support for Trident missile replacement.

But I did get a bit of a shock the other day when I read this. I wasn't over-concerned because, after all, just because I represent the most deprived part of Hackney doesn't mean that I have to actually live there, amongst the peasants. But I was a bit worried in case the riff-raff started to demand that I do something about the pile of nuclear waste they've been living on for the past 50 years. That might have meant me spending interminable evenings in the cesspit of Chatham Ward, when I could otherwise be out debating affairs of state in Greenwich, or enjoying a nice foie gras and fillet steak in my favourite restaurant.

Thankfully it turns out that the nuclear scare relates to the Clays Lane housing estate in next-door Newham. It's not even in Wick or Kings Park, let alone my own ward. Phew! That's a relief. Newham can pay to have it cleaned up before the Olympic park is built - and it won't even cause Julian and me problems with the Council Tax.


iLikeAkehurstFanClub said...

My dearest Luke,

That goose is two-faced. Surely you should issue a clear and public statement distancing yourself from it and stating that it bears no relation to you or the Labour Party leadership?
Whilst on the subject of birds, I hope you will be avoiding E5 & N1 like the plague. Although, bearing in mind the latest news on boundary changes, we are all in for the slaughter.

Yours affectionately,


Luke Akehurst said...

Thank you for suggesting erroneously that this nasty virus has been named after Clapton and Hoxton. I must point out to you that, bad as my spelling may be, I can tell the difference between an "H" and an "E" as one has three bars and the other has four.

Nonetheless I shall contact David immediately to demand that DEFRA change the name in case any other illiterate peasants make the same mistake. I shall suggest calling it the NW3SW6 virus, in honour of Hampstead and Chelsea.