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Monday, February 05, 2007

Stop Ginger Hate Crime!

Regular readers will be aware that I've long campaigned under the banner "Proud To Be Ginger". I've supported Hazel Blears and argued strongly for all-ginger shortlists.

But I've also taken a great deal of abuse over the colour of my coiffure and to be honest I've had enough. I'm really beginning to understand what it's like to be black, Irish or gay.

So together with my carrot-topped mates Martin and Adam I've taken up Tony's brilliant e-Petitions Programme to launch a campaign to have the abuse of ginger-haired people the same as any other hate crime.

I urge everyone to log onto my Downing Street e-petition and add your name. We've already had 9 signatures and if we can get 1,999,991 more we'll have the sort of impact on Tony that the anti-Iraq war demonstrators had. I'm "anonymous gingernut (scared of retribution)", by the way. Well, come on. I don't want to put my future political career at risk.


ginger rogers fan club said...

I couldn't agree more. I'll sign the petition.

ilikeakehurstfanclub said...

My dearest Luke,

Yet again I am obliged to advise you to disassociate yourself from something you have - somewhat too hastily - embraced. The petition you have enthusiastically signed (albeit anonymously) was obviously drafted by one of the many illiterates from the Communications Department of Hackney Council (probably the old parrot herself, if we ever felt so inclined to check out downstairs - yuk!).

Please note that you have subscribed to the following statement:

"Treat the abuse of ginger haired people the same as any other hate crime, As colour predudice should not be limited to people of foriegn desent."

With spelling such as the following: "predudice" and "foriegn desent" and punctuation such as: “other hate crime, As colour” you should seriously reconsider your support for this petition, surely?

I advise you to delete all reference to the ginger petition - and delete this message too, obviously.

As you know, we are running another fruitless and expensive consultation exercise and PR campaign for the plebs entitled: "How do you want to change Hackney?" - with the results being somewhat similar (if not identical) to the results we decided on in the secret meeting at your place last month.

We could include, within the budget, a makeover for you along the lines of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". Admittedly, we are spoilt for choice, but I'm sure one of the Cabinet members could come up with a new colour treatment for your hair.

Let me know what you decide and, I trust, you will delete this message before the old parrot sees it.

Yours affectionately,


P.S. Whatever happened to those plans to incorporate software for a UK English spellchecker in the Council's database? I'm sure the guy got paid to do the job so, did he ever deliver the goods? Was the software ever installed? Did anyone get trained on how to use it? What happens if we get a FoI request on this?

Luke Akehurst said...

You miserable piece of effluent ilikeakehurstfanclub

Firstly smartarse I can't see what's wrong with the spelling. It looks fine to me. But then I only went to a minor public school. Presumably you went to Eton or Harrow.

Secondly, as for Change Hackney, how about proposing that Mao Tse Tung replaces Jules Pipe? By the way, I thought Julian's picture on this page was very fetching (even though you do get a teeny bit bored seeing the same photo on every page of every website and newspaper run by Hackney).

Thirdly, I'm proud of my hair - at least the little bit that's left - so I certainly don't need a coiffure makeover. And a glance at my blog and the pathetic thing run by my spoofster and you can see who needs a makeover.

Now go away please.

Pasch said...

There's already a law that deals with 'ginger hate crime'; it's just that so far no one has used it in hate crimes such as the one you refer to.

It's covered under Chapter 3 Article 21 of the Human Rights Charter: Non-discrimination.

The actual phrasing within the article covers 'genetic features' among other physical attributes.

Red or 'ginger' hair is a result of a variant in the MC1R gene, and is also responsible for the pale colouration of a red head's skin.

Article 21 also has a direct bearing on Article 1 of the charter, and this further strengthens your case against abuse of the sort you are referring to.

Article 1 states: 'human dignity is inviolable. It must be protected and respected.'

So what do you need Tony Blair for? He's already enshrined the Charter into law. Hell, guests of Her Majesty fall back on Article 1 all the time, and some are now being paid upwards of 2 grand for having to slop out their own shit.

The law's already on your side. It's just that they'd rather you didn't know this.

Luke Akehurst said...

Thanks pasch. If I'm ever in need of a lawyer I'll give you a call. So far I've got away with it all, though, so don't wait by the phone, will you?

Callum said...

Luke you're an hysterical idiot. If that spelling looks fine to you, then you probably didn't even go to a minor state school but rather, you spent your school days at home crying about being a ginger. Why would anybody be proud of their hair? Surely you must see how ludicrous this statement sounds. Is your hair a war hero or a leading medical researcher? No, it's a follicle on your stupid head.