C'est Magnifique, Mais Ce N'est Pas La Guerre Ou La Politique

The title (misquoted, but at least with nouns of the correct gender) is based on what General Bosquet said at the Battle of Balaclava, which has nothing to do with hoodies apparently but was actually a defining moment in the Crimean War. It's very much in my mind right now as I watch the Labour Party self-destruct with the glowing pride and assuredness that characterised the brave men of the Earl of Cardigan's Light Brigade as they charged the Russian lines.

The latest piece of political theatre has Jug-Ears Clarke limbering up to throw his substantial frame at the almost equally statuesque Prudence Brown. A former Head Boy of Highgate School, graduate of King's College Cambridge and CEO of a management consultancy firm, challenging a graduate of Kirkcaldy High School and Edinburgh University, lecturer at Glasgow College of Technology and STV journalist. Such a lopsided intellectual challenge, even without Randy Mandy and ex-Communist turned thug hard guy John Reid lining up behind the protagonists.

This joust is just another episode in the internecine warfare that is mowing down the Party. At least the Light Brigade got past the starting line before suffering its worst casualties. At the end of the day the brigade was not completely destroyed, of course, but they did suffer 118 killed, 127 wounded and 362 horses lost before the French cavalry dug them out of the s**t.

And there were 673 of them. Almost twice as many as our entire parliamentary complement. It makes me wonder how much of the Party will be left by the time someone digs us out of the Brown stuff.