Bank Holiday Good News

I was delighted when I logged onto the Hackney Council website the other day and read an article entitled Ten Things You May Not Know About Hackney. To listen to the whinging and moaning of the anarchists, Trotskyites, Tories and LibDems and to read "The Hackney Groveller", you'd think that Hackney was going down the pan. But, of course, it's all lies. In this extract from the article you can read the truth, as penned by Our Great Leader Julian Pipeshaft:

1. This year the Council is expanding its expenditure on schools, the environment and public facilities.
2. The Council has political stability. The current Mayor, Jules Pipe, was re-elected in May 2006 to serve a second four-year term. His Labour Party has a comfortable majority over all other parties on the Council.
   
3. In a MORI survey in 2005, 72% of residents were satisfied with their own neighbourhood as a place to live – an increase of 21% in three years.
   
4. In a MORI survey 45% of employees said they would speak highly of Council services to non staff, up eight points on the year before and more than 10% above the local authority norm.
   
5. Nearly one third of the area is parks or open spaces, including Hackney Marshes which contains Europe’s largest single area of football pitches.
6. Hackney had the biggest reduction in street crime in London in 2004/5 – down 27%; car crime was down 22% and residential burglary down 16%. Hackney has moved far away from its previous image of a place where crime was in the ascendant.
7. Hackney is possibly the most vibrant cultural and artistic place in London outside the West End. Music, art, displays, cinema and theatre – it is all happening in Hackney.
8. Hackney schools are improving fast. Hackney GCSE results have improved by 50% over three years and no Hackney school is in special measures.
   
9. In Hackney most transport is good and it is about to get much better. In 2010 Hackney will be connected to the tube network with a station at Dalston. And by 2012 Hackney will be benefiting from the improved transport for the Olympics.
10. The Olympic Games’ potential for Hackney is immense and will bring tangible long-term benefits to the area. The International Broadcast and Media Centre will be in Hackney.

Hackney is a wonderful place to live under Labour. Reading this article really made my Bank Holiday. Anyone who can write this stuff deserves an appropriate response. So I've decided to go out and buy a huge Easter egg for Our Great Leader (at post-weekend discount, of course). Keep this to yourself, but first thing on Tuesday morning I'm going to bang on Julian's front door and give him a surprise he'll never forget!