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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

It's A Bit Sordid (But It'll All Be OK In The End)

Following my earlier article, it now appears that Penny Thompson's hand was not actually on the chopper at the time of her self-decapitation.

Julian "Chopper" PipeshaftWord on the street is that Whitehall allegedly offered Julian Pipeshaft the choice of himself or the Chief Executive to exit the room sans tĂȘte and, being the gentleman that he is, Julian gallantly decided to allow Ms. Thompson to go first. Tim Shields takes over temporarily. Of course this is all speculation and not the sort of thing that we ordinary Councillors would know anything about. We never hear anything to do with budget underspends, budget overspends, housing benefit fraud, election manipulation, illegal sackings, corrupt planning decisions, nepotistic appointments or anything like that. We are just nice, sweet, hard-working servants of the electorate. I can't speak for the officers, but I'm sure they are just as innocent as we are.

So everything will be just fine from now on, then. I can get back to writing about the important things in Hackney life, such as the French elections, the Australian elections and the death of Boris Yeltsin.

5 comments:

Ethel Barracuda said...

So when does "Chopper" get his call-up papers, then?

angel thighs said...

Hey, check out that white shirt (I washed that)! I think that picture is of my sweet, innocent Julian outside the infamous Room 101 (the one with the highly polished table top).

Bye the bye, do you know why the table is so highly polished? And do you know why Jules baby calls me his "little duster"?

Oh! Do you think Miereiciek Gulliver-Travels helped Penny work out the most cost-effective golden parachute for her at the same time as he was drafting his own demise?

ilikeakehurstfanclub said...

My dearest Luke,

We have more than enough PR people on the Council - we really should be setting a fine example.

So you can image how embarrassing it was when a major news agency rang me to say they had heard we had shafted Penny, had checked out the most up-to-date press release on our website and found out that it was the following:

--------------------------

PR1995 - 29 Mar 2007

Celebrating women

A survivor of domestic violence sharing her experiences, and a presentation on honour killings were among the thought provoking stories told at an event to mark International Women’s Day.

--------------------------

I tried explaining that Penny's decapitation was without blood or violence and no, it wasn't an honour killing either. When have we ever had honour, I ask you?.

However, if we are going to act out the Night of the Long Knives, can't we at least threaten Polly with a light but thorough stabbing?

Awaiting your instructions,

Yours affectionately,

iLikeAkehurstFanClub

Aminda Shah (aged 6) said...

That man looks very happy. Did someone give him a really big Easter egg?

Thom Penny said...

No he's keeping his hamster warm