I will chop of my own arms. So said Mr. B. Knight, one of my readers. Well, Mr. Knight, you'd better buy a sharp knife and fork then!
Monday, May 21, 2007
If I Hear Any More About That F*****G Elf Woman...
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Luke Akehurst's Blog |  | Hug my tree and I can be anyone you want me to be |
 Fighting threats from Stalinists and Fascists to use court injunctions and physical violence to silence free speech |  The Luke Akehurst blog - The genuine Luke Akehurst weblog about politics, elections, the Labour Party and that ghastly Hackney place. Ignore counterfeit Luke Akehurst blogs - this is the genuine article from the chap who whips Hackney Labour councillors in his spare time. Now with extra added ingredient Linda K Smith. Helps wash your family whiter! "My favourite film is Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learnt To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb" - Luke Akehurst "Funny and clever but not particularly nice" - Time Out "With added foie gras, steak, soft cheese, claret and port (hic!)" - Luke Akehurst "In gustatus perquam putidus est" - Vatican Bank "Not so much 'Who's Who?' as 'Who's Sleeping With Whom?'" - Peter Mandelson "You can judge a blogger's politics by the colour of their blog banner" - The spoof Luke Akehurst "By a coalition of Trots, tree huggers, anarchists, Tories and a nasty little clique over-excited about my hair colour" - Luke Akehurst | |
Welcome to my blog
"Bloggers like Iain Dale and Guido Fawkes - not to mention Weber Shandwick's very own Luke Akehurst - are building up significant readerships, influencing debate, breaking news and - crucially - making the leap into mainstream media punditry."
— James Warren,
Director, Weber Shandwick
Director, Weber Shandwick
Click on me and I'll enlarge just for you
Or for a more boring way to tickle me:
lukeakehurst@email.com
Hackney MPs' Expenses - see footer
Or for a more boring way to tickle me:
lukeakehurst@email.com
Hackney MPs' Expenses - see footer
The Criminal Justice Bill 2007
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45 Minutes To Save The World
"Don't Mention The WMD!"
Time was running out. Saddam's finger was on the button, Cheney's oil tank was running low and Tony hadn't had a decent drink of blood in months. Would the prophesies of Cherie's life-stylist come true? Was the PM about to relive the past glories of the Knights Templar? Would Alastair Campbell arrive in time to debug the room?
Read the answers to these and other exciting questions in "My Life (And Other Peoples' Deaths)", published by HarperCollins, £24.99.
Read the answers to these and other exciting questions in "My Life (And Other Peoples' Deaths)", published by HarperCollins, £24.99.
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About me
I'm Luke Akehurst..... aka. "Luke The Nuke".Labour Party mouthpiece since 1988 - firmly on the ultra-right wing of the party, but with occasional, completely unexplained lapses of left-wing insanity.
National Secretary of The Barneys Club (Gentlemen's Fine Dining Society, University of Bristol), 1995-6.
Unsuccessful parliamentary candidate for Aldershot (2001) and even more spectacularly unsuccessful candidate for Castle Point (2005). Hackney Councillor (occasional visitor to the peasants in Chatham Ward) and Labour Chief Whip (in charge of the vegetables) since 2002.
Supporter of European holidays, NATO "shock and awe" big fireworks, Israel my Israel, electoral reform as long as The Great Leader keeps getting elected. Guardian reader because they are so desperate for material that they print my letters.
Dad to Jed Augustus George Akehurst (7th October 2005). Stoke Newington resident, recently moved from crappy flat in nice area opposite cemetery to slightly less crappy flat in a noisy shopping area. Amicus union member because they recruit people like me who never did a real day's work in their lives.
Employment history as a Labour Party Organiser for Dobbo the Mule and Glenda Slagg, Local Government Political Assistant to England's worst performing local authority, Public Affairs consultant to The Juggernaut (specialising in advising $multi-billion Iraq war contract beneficiaries, government service outsourcers and property developers).
I'm a pretty great guy as all who know me will confirm (except for those cretinous old Labourites, awful Tories, useless LibDems, bourgeois Greens and everyone else except for Tony's New Labour Army!).
I like influencing outcomes by spreading the good word and smearing those who stand in the way. I'm especially fond of privatising useless old-fashioned industries held back by cloth-capped trade union stooges, liberating public services to the forces of the market and helping US arms manufacturers to look good while making massive profits in Iraq.
I've been trying to get into Parliament for a while without success, but things should improve now I've cut my links to Dobbo and Glenda and been noticed by Tony as one of the smart new "Millbank" set (shame we've become so poor we've had to move out of Millbank!).
I'm hoping that one day I'll be able to afford to move out of ghastly Hackney with its chavs, whingers and loonie lefties and live somewhere decent.
What else can I say about me? I'm a great guy! Did I already mention that? The rest will become evident from reading my blog.
My family coat of arms
Statue competition
Announcing the Sam Lloyd Town Hall Sq. Memorial Competition
It's really simple and you have every chance of winning a great prize! All you have to do is to nominate the man or woman you think would be most worthy to be commemorated with a granite statue located in Town Hall Square.
Rules:
Send your nomination to: "The Sam Lloyd Town Hall Square Memorial Competition", 98 Trotter House, Barratt Lane, Hackney B4 ME
Closing date: 15th November, 2025
It's really simple and you have every chance of winning a great prize! All you have to do is to nominate the man or woman you think would be most worthy to be commemorated with a granite statue located in Town Hall Square.
Rules:
| 1. | Your nominee must have been deceased for at least 10 years |
| 2. | They must have made an outstanding contribution to the Borough |
| 3. | Many current and former Hackney residents must have good cause to remember them |
Closing date: 15th November, 2025
Websites I hate!
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1 comment:
How dare you publish this heightist drivel. I'll have you know that I'm 1ft 10ins and a match for anyone. Just roll up your sleeves and I'll bite your legs off.
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