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Saturday, June 02, 2007

Hair Colour Regional Analysis

Today's Daily Mirror led with this appalling article about a family who have been hounded out of three separate houses for having ginger hair. The father reports: "Eggs are thrown at us and the kids get beaten up" and the mother adds: "Wherever the kids go they get called 'ginger nut' or 'ginger b*****d'." A man on Lost Prophets Forum recently wrote: "I am ginger and often find myself being discrimated by the wider public. Not too long ago a man refused to cut my hair as I was ginger. It is sickening." To which someone replied: "Refused to cut your hair? Was it just because you were ginger, or did you have lice or something?"

No, before you comment, it's not Hazel Blears
"Matching Collar And Cuffs" by C. Pratt, 2006
The current spate of abuse has occurred in the North-East, but research shows that it is common in several regions of the UK. Abuse occurs least in Scotland, where 13% of the population has red hair, Northern Ireland and Wales where the incidence is about 10% and Cornwall where it is nearly 10%. This indicates that prejudice is associated with low frequency of association with ginger haired people.

Research shows that we suffer from many problems other than abuse. There is some evidence that longevity is affected, as per Robin Cook. Although studies have disproved an increased tendency to haemorrhage in ginger nuts, we do tend to bruise more. That is probably because we are more frequently attacked than the average population. Experiments have shown that we are more sensitive to thermal pain than blondes and brunettes, but we are less sensitive to electrical pain. So if you want to get information out of us, boiling our testicles is likely to be more effective than wiring them up to the mains.

Judging by the Deputy Leadership nominations, betting odds and public voting, being ginger-haired is not exactly a political asset. This tendency is well-illustrated in your truly, of course. But if you are going to attack me, please do it because I'm a total prat who spouts insufferable rubbish. Not because I'm a carrot-top.


Alexandrina Victoria von Wettin, née Hanover said...

If you check you will find The Mirror misquoted the father, who actually said: "Kids are thrown up and the eggs get beaten."

Luke Akehurst said...

Perhaps they meant to say that kids throw up and consequently get beaten in the egg and spoon race. Just what happened to me when I was at grammar school.