My Questions

I was one of the people who responded to the YouGov poll this weekend. The survey of more than 1,600 party members and trade unionists entitled to vote in this month’s deputy leadership contest shows that the grassroots would like the next prime minister to shift leftwards in the battle against the Tories, ahead of the next general election. So I'm certainly not in line with the majority on this one. I must question why I'm so isolated.

The poll found that two-thirds of party members want Brown to "publicly distance Britain from President Bush’s policies in the Middle East". I completely oppose this. I want to see an even tougher line against Islamic terrorists and in support of Israel - the only true democracy in the Middle East. We should send more soldiers to Iraq to boost the legitimate government. Iraqis are savages who need a country like Britain to explain to them how to run a democracy. I don't know who it was who came up with the nonsense about Iraq having been the world's cradle of civilisation at a time when we in Britain lived in caves and painted our faces with vegetable dyes, but they are obviously mistaken. Aren't they?

The majority also want the government to increase the top rate of income tax to 50% for those earning more than £100,000 a year. I say: f**k that if it would mean that Jim Davidson emigrated. He always makes me laugh. Such a policy would lose us the next election and it would mean me paying more income tax, so I'd certainly oppose it.

Almost 60% want Brown to "fundamentally rethink the strategy for ‘Blairite’ reforms of health, education and the other public services", and to renationalise the railways even if this means putting up taxes. On a personal level I don't give a f**k, but my clients wouldn't agree with this so I guess I'd better shut up and support the current policy. Shouldn't I?

According to the survey, there is also widespread support for "green" measures, such as increasing the taxes on flying and motoring and using the money to cut bus, train and Tube fares. As I don't own a car and only get to visit the apartment in Compéta once a year, I'm in favour of this policy. Later on I'm sure I'll be totally opposed. Won't I?

Most Party members would back a law to allow terrorist suspects to be held for 90 days, rather than today’s 28-day limit. Brown has already pledged support for this. I'm completely in favour. Lock the b******s up for ever, I say. All this liberal nonsense might apply to us white Christians, but it doesn't apply to Muslims out to destroy our freedoms. Supporting this sort of policy will help us to regain votes previously lost to the BNP. Wouldn't it?

Only one in three of those surveyed wants all grammar schools to be abolished. Although I myself benefited from a grammar school education, I'm completely opposed to them for other people. Mind you, if Macaroon is opposed to the building of any more I should probably change my policy to oppose him. I'll have to have a good think about this one. Should I?

A total of 47% agree with her that British-born people should be given a higher priority in the allocation of social housing, while 41% oppose this idea. Among trade unionists the support is more emphatic, with 55% in favour of the policy while just 35% oppose it. I can't understand why the Labour Party after ten years of Tony Blair seems to be full of racist bigots. What did we do to deserve this?

Among party members, Benn has seen his 17-point lead in late April vanish. He and Johnson now have 24% each of the first preferences. Among trade union levy-payers the 14-point lead that Benn had before Easter has been reversed, with Johnson now taking a four-point lead. When the loyalties of MPs are taken into account, Johnson enjoys 24% first round support, against 20% for Benn. Harriet Harman, the justice minister, is third on 18%. Peter Hain is vying for fourth spot with Jon Cruddas, the only non-minister standing. Both men have 14% support. Cruddas has seen his support among trade union members rise sharply since March, from 9% to 15%. Hazel Blears, the party chairman, is last with 10% overall. Perhaps I didn't make the right choice. Did I?