Coming Clean Is A Real Drag

Five months ago I admitted to having tried cannabis once or twice when egged on to do so by my chums in public school.

In that confession I described my experience as a "moment of madness" when I was just 15 years old and explained that I have since matured into an upright citizen and a leading local politician.

In those days the law was much tougher than it is today and the matter was considered to be very serious, with my form mates Squiffy Trubshawe, Bonker Smythe-Featherstonehaugh and Bendy Twigge all being sent down as a result of their puffing habits.

Following today's disclosures - in particular the confessions by the Papal Envoy and the Chipmunk - I feel that the time has come to admit that my smoking experiment was not concluded after the police raids on my public school as previously claimed, but did indeed continue when I went up to Bristol University.

Whereas in the above photograph of my mates in The Barney's Club they all appear to be slightly under the weather as a result of excess Cinzano Rosso following a good game of croquet, they are actually all stoned.

But as you can see from the rarely seen but absolutely genuine photograph on the left, my own consumption was purely for the purpose of amusing fellow students with my ring-blowing talents and I never inhaled.

In any event, all this took place at least 45 years ago and cannabis in those days was only 1/1000th the strength of the dreadful stuff that Jacqui and her fellow Ministers will now be rushing to reclassify Class A.