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Sunday, July 08, 2007

The Heart Of Hackney

...has been knocked out in an unfortunate accident involving an inexperienced member of my team who is now on three months gardening leave. Still, la-di-dah, life goes on.

A minor error due to a slight misinterpretation of voting rules by an inexperienced member

Any Hackney residents with small kids could do a lot worse to entertain them on a hot day than go to this fenced site in Dalston, where we took Augustus (aged 1¾) for a picnic yesterday after helping on the Chatham Ward Labour Party tombola stall and seeing Madge Hillside MP open the Dalston Theatre and Four Aces Club annual fete.

Details are here.

A £39 million investment by Transport for London, with a great deal of help from Hackney Council (nudge-nudge, wink-wink), has turned this site of ugly, crumbling Georgian listed buildings into a far safer, greener place than it was and the fenced garden is really nice place for a picnic, with a children's play area and large muddy puddle that Augustus and other toddlers turned into an impromptu paddling pool.

Later this morning I'm venturing into the unknown territory of West London with a morning's canvassing in the Ealing Southall by-election. I had been planning to join the New Labour protest march over the Severn Bridge to Cardiff against the Plaid Cymru coalition sell-out, but Linda tells me we can't afford the £5.10 crossing toll. So Augustus and I are stopping off a bit less far west to see if we can find the former Harrods male model and Tory candidate Tony Lit (Surinderpal Singh Lit, Tony Surinderpal Lit, Anthony Charles Lynton Lit or whatever his name is) and stick a rude message to his back with chewing gum. I'm excited at the prospect of meeting some Labour celebrities there, apparently including a presenter from Blue Peter with fantastic cleavage. I'm really looking forward to my Sunday. It's always great to get away from 'orrible 'ackney.


wan kin (socialist) said...

Now I'm confused! Is it Cllr Jamie Carswell, Deputy Mayor of Hackney and Cabinet Member for Housing who is on three months gardening leave or Cllr Darren One-Man-Two-Votes-Scooter Parker? If it is the former, I hope this doesn't affect his £70,000 odd annual allowance + expenses (otherwise the poor boy would starve to death). If it is the latter, can we arrange for him to do some very long-term single-handed 2 metre deep tunneling?

Luke Akehurst said...

Quite right, Wanking. I had the wrong link in there, but I've changed it now. I'm always confusing people, especially when they are similar or related. I think I might have made a mistake with Miss Cleavage, as well. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

I know it has nothing to do with this story but is Laura the recent evictee from Big Brother Linda's long lost twin sister?

Luke Akehurst said...

A derelict theatre or a tube station, which do you think people in Hackney want more?

Luke Akehurst said...

Damned right, spoofster! You tell 'em.

I think we should knock down the Hackney Empire and build a "Hackney Town Hall" tube station. And knock down Sutton House and build a "Homerton" tube station.

And as for that f*****g monstrosity St. Augustine's Tower, this is what we should do with that ugly pile of stones.

Anonymous said...

It was made perfectly clear by the LDA that the Dalston tube was going ahead anyway, whether Hackney demolished the Dalston Theatre site or not. So why does your spoofster and his comrades still misprepresent that it was a choice of either a Dalston "tube" or the Dalston Theatre? Does he really believe that what Hackney people want is the Croydonisation of Dalston? The Council's own consultation showed that 95% wanted to save Dalston's character its historic architecture and have some affordable housing.

Anonymous said...

When was the last time this theatre actuall used as theatre? Face it was a derelict eyesore good ridance!

Luke Akehurst said...

That's what I say, Anon. If it isn't used, knock it down. Open up a McDonalds, I say, especially one that serves foie gras burgers.

dalston dan said...

The Spoofster writes ...
"A derelict theatre or a tube station, which do you think people in Hackney want more?"

Poor Spoofster's knowledge of Hackney (and Dalston in particular) is pretty lousy. The Dalston Theatre was on a totally different plot of land to the proposed station. And the station is for overground trains, not the tube, surely?

Good job the Spoofster wasn't around when we were campaigning to refurbish the Hackney Empire and Sutton House (both were eyesores and vandalised, thanks to the Council)! He'd have knocked them down too - to build ugly tower blocks.

I wonder when he thinks the Ocean should be demolished? Or is he too getting a backhander to keep that on the backburner?

Save Haggerston Pool said...

dalston dan tut tut the new Dalston Junction train station will be part of the underground network an extension of the East London line braned Overground. The old Station on a bridge on Dlaston Lane was secretly knocked down behind hoardings by TFL earlier on this year. The Dalston theatre site is across the road on Roseberry Place and will be much sort after yuppie private flats 10 minutes from the city. Luckily barrats are building them so will be Decrepit in 10 years time
Did you know Hackney Council bought the theatre site off Tesco in teh 80's for a few million. Unbelievable Tesco giving up land. Probably thought couldn't make any money from alston peasants

Clear Hardly said...

Ken wants an Olympic bus station
So he billed it as regeneration
He’ll get his own way
And Hackney can pay
So its bollocks to conservation

The buildings were terribly ancient
Quite useless for gentrification
They knocked them all down
To build a New Town
Just like others all over the nation

There’ll be hundreds of flats to be sold
Find a Chair who’s loyal and bold
Shed a crocodile tear
But steer the plans clear
Will Jules get his gong as foretold?

Luke gave Darren a nod and a wink
But the voting went right to the brink
His boss said “that’s nice”
Darren cast his vote twice
And now there’s a terrible stink.