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Monday, July 23, 2007

To Hell With All This Rain

You may have noticed that, despite the rest of the country being under water, Hackney is bone dry. This is just another indication of the brilliance of Julian Pipeshaft and our Labour Council in implementing flood precautions. Indeed, it is a little known fact that when we came back into office after the nightmare period of no overall control following the Mark Trotter debacle, we raised the spirit of the recently departed Jerry Rubin and quietly levitated the Town Hall several feet above its previous level. What with that and dredging the River Lee and the Regents Canal, we made the Borough safe for another millennium.

"Chicken and chips with tomato ketchup and a gherkin, please."
"I'll have the lobster salad, some foie gras and a champagne cocktail, please."

That said, I still can't stand the rain. So in a few minutes time Linda, Augustus and I are disappearing off to Heathrow to catch a plane to Barbados, where we plan to spend the next couple of weeks relieving myself of some of my Councillor's expenses. Although some rain is expected in Bridgetown early tomorrow, the forecast for the coming period is brilliant. I'll be missing all you poor sad b******s in Hackney and thinking about you all the time I'm away. I probably won't be able to access the internet, so you will have to be content with reading the risible nonsense put out by my spoofster. Still, that should teach you a few things about Trotsky, Australia, Sweden, the Labour Party NEC and by-elections. While you are doing that, I shall be studying the art of cocktail shaking and the science of extracting lobster meat.

Bye for now, suckers.

1 comment:

Marie Lloyd said...

Are you going on holiday with this bloke?