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Saturday, October 20, 2007

Make A Reservation With This New Blog

A New Labour (in both senses) blog has been started by Hopi Sen, who I remember as a Labour Student from my days as National Organisation of Labour Students National Secretary. Not someone who ever possessed my level of political acumen, of course, but someone I remember as being useful for such important tasks as folding leaflets and playing Knock Down Ginger in hall of residence at the doors of members of the Federation of Conservative Students. Re-discovering this ex-student - whose name means "Native American Person Who Lives in the Correct Way in a Reservation in North Eastern Arizona And Travels Long Distances to Play Professional Hockey in Ottawa" - I find that he has a huge amount in common with me.

Nothing reserved about Hopi - a man who likes to express his viewsFor a start, Hopi spent several years as a Labour Party spin doctor in the House of Commons as Communications Officer of the Parliamentary Labour Party MP Support Unit. That gets him off to a bloody good start in my book. Like me, he served as an urban Councillor (on Newcastle City Council) before looking around for a better life. He's also someone who likes to fire off criticisms without necessarily thinking issues through properly, as when he referred to the works of Pulitzer Prize winner, Gugenheim Fellow and leading American academic historian T Harry Williams as "hagiography". That's the way! Like Hopi, I've no time for undeserved reverence just because an idiot has a few letters after his name.

But far and away Hopi's most endearing characteristic is a complete, utter and unreserved loathing for LibDems and a willingness to put his body where his mouth is. Hopi was a key member of the mob we sent out to obstruct the LibDem campaign team during the Sedgefield by-election, raging against the yellow peril at the famous "Battle of Trimdon Green".

In response to Hopi and our other activists waving placards, pushing and obstructing LibDems, shouting "Go back to Newcastle!" and impersonating Geordie football fans, LibDem candidate Greg Stone allegedly retaliated by telling Hopi to "get back to your reservation". It just goes to show what I've always said - scratch a LibDem and out crawls a racist. Strangely, I can't find that bit on the video recordings despite having listened to several that were made that day. Still, we wouldn't lie, would we?

Look out for Hopi Sen in the video. I'm sure someone will also recognise our bold Newcastle Councillor who danced a lovely jig before escaping the cameras. In the meantime, check out Hopi's website "A blog from the back passage". As he says so eruditely: "Low grade political hacks of all parties have one thing in common: We're desperate to impress you with how important we are. So let's be clear. I'm not important. At all." So there you go. Judging by the fact that he's not had one comment since he started his blog, he's clearly an honest man. I can say that without reservation.


lord london fields lido said...

Dearest Luke,

Your imposter has been expounding a new political philosophy called "Morrisonianism". I was wondering if you could expound the true nature of this novel ideology in a little more detail for us?

Yours etc.,

Lord Ernest London Fields Lido of Clissold Leisure Centre

Luke Akehurst said...

I can imagine various aspects of the behaviour and beliefs of my spoofster could justifiably be referred to as "Morrisonianism". None of these apply to myself, of course.

Intolerance and expulsion of those who question the party line (bigot Rev. James Morrison) is the most notable characteristic. Other traits include obsession with Australia (botanist Alexander Morrison), aggression (NHL hockey player Brendan Morrison), conservatism (Tory MP Hugh Morrison), alcoholism, substance abuse and failure to marry his long-term partner ("Doors" frontman Jim Morrison)[note: no evidence of musicality], swaggering machismo and anti-communist views (Marion Morrison, aka. John Wayne), Machiavellian politics (Republican-turned-Democrat Paul J. Morrison) and ability to be easily pleased (Walter Fredrick Morrison, inventor of the frisbee).

But I guess that you are really comparing my doppelgänger with none of the above, but rather with former Hackney Mayor and complete and utter shit, Herbert Stanley Morrison. Herbert was my greatest inspiration and my fraudster is simply trying to ride the carriage.

Some aspects of Morrisonianism certainly do not apply, including willingness to commit self-immolation in protest against the Vietnam War (Norman Morrison), championing of nuclear non-proliferation (Philip Morrison), Pullitser Prize-winning literary talent (Toni Morrison) or musical genius Van ("The Man") Morrison.