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Sunday, December 23, 2007

Dear Santa

Due to an unfortunate error at the Clapton Royal Mail Sorting Office, a Christmas card addressed to 1 Polar Bear Avenue, Upper Arctic Circle, Lapland was instead delivered to 8 Beatty Road Stoke Newington and I inadvertently opened it amongst the thousands of other seasonal greetings cards that have arrived for Linda, Augustus and myself. I guess it's too late for Christmas now, but I thought I'd publish it anyhow just in case Santa is reading this blog.

"Dear Santa. Please can you help me to make my dreams come true. For ages now I have wanted to leave home and travel on an exciting adventure far away. A year ago I packed my bags and set off on my bicycle for a new life in Manchester Withington. Unfortunately, by the time I got there, a woman called Lucy Powell had already moved in. In July I packed my bags once more and cycled off to Bolton South East, only to find that someone called Yasmin Qureshi had beaten me to it. What I really, really need is a faster mode of transport. So please, Santa, can I have a train set all of my own for Christmas, so I can finally get the f**k out of Hackney. (PS. I know I'm not supposed to celebrate Christmas, but tell your boss that if you can do me this favour I could consider doing a TB and joining his team)."
- Commissioner N. Khan


Ingrid Polansky said...

I'm afraid that this particular train only goes as far north as Mereleceland, and I don't think you'd be very welcome up there.

dalston dan said...

This shows how much (or little) Khan knows about Hackney. We already have direct access to two tube lines, the Northern Line (at Old Street) and the Piccadilly Line (at Manor House).

Pipeshaft's claims that he was getting Hackney on the Underground Map were as honest as the personal backhanders he accepted to demolish half of Dalston.

The truth is that the Dalston Junction southbound line is just a renovation - not an innovation - and it is not part of London Underground. And it is nowhere near as good as the old line we had (which took us to Broad Street station, not the back of beyond!)

But, like Khan, Pipeshaft seems to believe in the toothfairy.

lord london fields lido said...

ingrid, you just made me laugh so much i very nearly passed out.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to be rude Luke but was this card not from Councillor/Speaker Faizullah Khan rather than the "lovely" Nargis.

Arnold Bigot said...

Typical for her to get a man to send her cards for her.

Anonymous said...