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Monday, May 19, 2008

All Hands To The Septic Tank Pumps

I'm putting out a call for local party activists to come and help with the Crewe and Nantwich by-election campaign. As you know, it's vital that we keep control of this seat at a time when the media is whipping up a campaign of lies and vitriol against the Labour Party, the Prime Minister and our candidate Moyra Tamsin Dunwoody-Kneafsey. We're all meeting up at Moyra's place as early as possible tomorrow morning to organise the canvassing, sort out the leaflets and posters and allocate streets to canvassing teams. It's dead easy to get there from London, as shown on the map below, although a four-wheel drive vehicle would be helpful for negotiating the final part of the route down to the estate:

A nippy little run for the Range Rover

Once you get to Haverfordwest, follow the A40 up into the Pembrokeshire National Park until you come to Wolfscastle, turn right and make your way across the scenic countryside to Cwarre Dduon, which is well signposted:

Don't forget to bring a Fortnums hamper with you

For those arriving by private helicopter, you'll recognise the place from the following aerial photograph and you can land anywhere near the mansion that looks sensible, as there's about 1.5 acres of back garden (although do try to avoid disturbing the neighbouring farmers' sheep and cattle):

The family seat - it's heredity that makes this country great!

There are plenty of horses available to take everyone across country into Crewe and Nantwich. We'll be dressed in a smart red and yellow livery to distinguish us from the rabble of Tories and LibDem saboteurs who'll be in jeans, teeshirts and trainers. Afterwards, we've all been invited to head back to the estate for tea and tiffin and - if the weather holds up - we might be able to get a bit of shooting in. There's plenty of wild rabbit at this time of year and we might even be able to bag some larger game if we're lucky.

I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow and in the meantime, don't forget our by-election campaign slogan:

TALLY HO TO STOP THE TORY TOFFS!!!

3 comments:

Cedric Smythe-Featherstonehaugh said...

I say, what ho, that sounds rather spiffing old chap. Fancy I'll pull the old breeches on and come and join you down at the estate tomorrow. Pip pip!

Sir Julian Quentin Fanshaw-Pipeshaft, OBE, KC, DSO, STD, UB40 said...

What? Do we still have any of those thingummycallems... er... "canvassers", that's it, in 'Ackney? I didn't think we needed them, the oiks know better than to vote for those ghastly bourgeois types like Boff and his ilk.

Fred Hayworth said...

Bring me back some venison, if there's any going. Or a nice piece of well-beaten rump would do.