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"My favourite film is Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learnt To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb" - Luke Akehurst
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"By a coalition of Trots, tree huggers, anarchists, Tories and a nasty little clique over-excited about my hair colour" - Luke Akehurst

Monday, July 03, 2006

How Right Can I Be?

I've been getting some fantastic publicity lately.

Sandwell Labour Councillor Councillor Bob Piper in his widely-read political blog, said of me last week: "My apologies are obviously due to the Luke Akehurst I mentioned in yesterday's post. I was obviously fooled by some Tory who had created a spoof Akehurst site. They had made it so reactionary that I should have seen through it. Anyway, this is Luke Akehurst's Blog." I particularly liked Bob's witty observation: "There’s a greasy pole, and he is either going to climb it, or use it to shaft someone with" and the comment added by a reader: "Luke is a good old fashioned rightist. He's a throw-back to the 1950s."

I'd rather have an ugly face than ugly politics
Matthew Parris
In an article entitled "Are we witnessing the madness of Luke Akehurst?", Matthew Parris, former MP and now one of the UK's top commentators said recently: "It shows how far Akehurst has dragged Hackney Labour Party to the right that reading his blog makes me quite amazed that I used to be a Conservative MP."

In an off-the-record briefing, Condoleezza Rice said of me: "He's a nice boy, if a bit ugly, but he's a bit too much of a warmonger for my personal taste."

I'm actually quite comfortable to be labelled a "Labour right-winger" because the Labour Party is currently so far to the left of British politics.

At home in Hackney, hundreds of people besiege my weekly ward surgeries demanding more closure and sell-off of local schools, faster privatisation of council estates and reduction of benefits in order to better incentivise them to find work. I am frequently begged by local residents to improve their domestic security by siting Trident missiles on their verandahs.
The Political Compass™ is a site that tells you where you sit on the political spectrum based on a series of questions. I've answered the questions and it confirms my position slightly to the right of the Party. I also asked my publicists to take the test and these are the results:

Try it yourself. You never know - you might have what it takes to stand for office as a Hackney Labour Councillor next time around.
Mainstream views, slightly to the right of the Party

PS. Nearly forgot to mention - even those whinging anarchists at Not The Clissold Leisure Centre have started to publicise my wisdom now, with a special link: "Like Akehurst" which shows that even they are impressed with what I have to say.

2 comments:

iLikeAkehurstFanClub said...

Dear Cllr Akehurst,

Please help. I am confused and concerned about comments which have been attributed to you but which, I suspect [and hope], have come from that not-so-nice buffoon who has been spoofing your site.

I found the following statement attributed to you on Cllr Bob Piper's blog:

"On public services I'm extremely sceptical about the "choice" agenda - I would prefer that everyone just went to the nearest school or hospital and they were all of an equally high standard - and I'm not in favour of foundation hospitals or other organisational models featuring "boards"/"partnerships" etc which seem designed to remove party politics and accountability from the process.

What is this connection between party politics and accountability? Please explain.

Yours, adoringly,

iLikeAkehurstFanClub

Luke Akehurst said...

Oh God, I think you've caught me out on this one. I guess I wasn't expecting anyone to check for inconsistencies between my positions as expressed on different websites.

Anyhow, I'm sure there's a very good reason for this confusion and it shouldn't take me long to work out what it is.

I'll get back to you just as soon as (a) I've consulted with my Manchester student focus group, (b) I've spoken with my agent, (c) Linda has woken up and I've made her egg soldiers and a nice cup of tea.