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Sunday, July 02, 2006

Leader And Right Winger Resign After Causing National Misery

Both Sven-Goran Eriksson and David Beckham have stepped down today following England’s tragic quarter-final defeat by Portugal yesterday. Admitting that his right-wing focus had led to defeat and national misery, Sven admitted: “I concentrated too much on David and Gary, leaving Joe and Ashley to flounder on the left, isolated from any progressive forward movements.”

I’ve never hidden my views that having a non-English leader in charge of England could only lead to disaster, especially someone bringing the narrow-minded Calvinistic views of those from extreme northern Europe. It is also clear that Sven’s policy of having a single over-publicised, god-like figurehead at the front can only lead to absurd delusions of grandeur and acts of mindless violence resulting in dismissal. It’s clearly time to end the cult of the individual and restore collective decision-making to England’s game.
The man who will take over next
Steve McLaren

1 comment:

Luke Akehurst said...

OK - everyone else is at it, so I thought I'd try my hand at satire. As it seems to have backfired on me, let me clarify my position. Politics is not at all like football:

(a) I do not really want Tony to step down, nor any of his right-wing advisors (including myself).

(b) When it is time for an orderly transition of power to Gordon, he will make an excellent PM, following in the great tradition of Scottish Labour Leaders.

(c) Scots should continue to be allowed to vote on English issues in the House, despite the fact that the bastards supported Paraguay, Trinidad, Sweden, Ecuador and Portugal.

(d) There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a single over-publicised, god-like figurehead at the front, whether at government level or at local council level.

(e) Collective decision-making went out with Ralph Nader, the UK Green Party, Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama.

Well, I thought it was funny.