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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Eric Rejected In Eltham Portaloo Battle

Looks like the end is nigh for Eric's political ambitions
Lord Eltham of Portaloo
It is with a perverse mixture of sadness and pleasure that I report that my good friend and Hackney Tory Party leader Eric Ollerenshaw OBE (Order of the Bushy Eyebrows) was unsuccessful on Monday night in his attempt to flee across the Thames and become the Conservative Party candidate for Eltham. My friend and sparring partner was given a good thumping by Tarantino look-alike David Gold who impressed Portaloo with his well-defined pectorals.

As with several other of Josef Lobenstein's "sons" and "nephews" (see "Those Male Statue Competition Entries" below), Eric has been keen to escape following Labour's thumping victory in the May elections and his subsequent realisation that challenging Julian and me is the political equivalent of teaching Celine Dion to sing.

I had hoped to report by now that little grandnephew Andrew had thrown his pink glove into the 2008 London Mayoral ring, but apparently he is still holding out to see who else is standing for the Tory candidature (currently the charismatic and inspirational Warwick Lightfoot, Victoria Borwick, Richard Barnes, Nick Boles and James Cleverly). It's always a shame when a family splits and goes its different ways. There are tears streaming down my face as I think of it.

Late breaking news - it looks like the first of the "heavyweights" to declare for the Mayorship might not after all be the pink man who likes asparagus... but... wait for it... the grey man who likes peas. If a certain former PM throws his hat into the ring you can tell people that you read it here first!!!


Anonymous said...

How dare you insult Eltham's greatest son! To compare the great Councillor, Tory leader and former GLA member who dedicated his life to public service with a man whose only claim to fame was running away to America, playing golf and making people laugh is very insulting.

Pat Kelly said...

And to where precisely, may I ask, are you planning to sneak off for your next failed attempt to enter the Big Brothers and Sisters House?

Lobster Blogster said...

If a certain former PM throws his hat into the ring you can tell people that you read it here first!!!

Nonsense, I read it on Mrs Dale's Diary

Luke Akehurst said...

Dammit! Caught doing a "dissertation"/"dossier" number. Still, nobody expects one to be perfect. At least you heard it here second.

Luke Akehurst said...

...or maybe third.

Lobster Blogster said...

You're running a weird blog here Luke. If I make a similar comment on the market leading blog I get deleted.

Luke Akehurst said...

Some of us are damned proud to be good cheats. Learnt it at school and all that. When a chap gets caught inflagrante behind the pavilion he jolly well owns up. Unless it's one of the vegetables who catches me, in which case I'm not guilty of course.