Reclaiming Labour From Chris Mullin

I think there's something pretty cowardly about dishing out political attacks whilst hiding behind the anonymity of the fictitious dramatic character "Harry Perkins".

Harry was, of course, the former Sheffield steel worker in Chris Mullin's novel "A Very British Coup", elected on promises of withdrawal from the common market, import controls, public control of finance, abolition of the House of Lords, withdrawal from NATO and the expulsion of all foreign bases from British soil.

"Harry" is clearly a spoof and not a member of the Labour Party (just look at the character's policies to see that every one of them is anathema to the modern Labour Party).

I don't mind the Bennite joke - "reclaiming" something that was never yours in the first place.

Just as Labour has Benn and Skinner as fleas on the body politic, I have my own fleas spoofing everything I write, taking the p**s by filling articles with spelling errors that I would never make myself and making me sound far more politically centrist and reasonable than I really am.


What really gets up my nose, however, is that "Harry Perkins" has chosen to launch attack on my former flatmate and very good friend Tom "Thicko" Watson M.P. And worse still he has yet again repeated the accusation that the former government Minister was responsible for the September coup attempt against Tony.

What a plonker. Doesn't he realise that the whole "coup" was simply fronted by Thicko but was planned by a group of loyalists including me, Pudding Man (Sion Simon) and Underpants Man (Chris Bryant) in order to create a pre-emptive false split in the Party at a time when we could soundly crush the opposition.

The fact that it all went a bit squiffy was hardly Thicko's fault (nor mine). We all did our best to shove the blame onto Sion Simon but he got away with it on the grounds of diminished mental age and Thicko had to take the fall and resign.

According to "Harry Perkins", Tom has recently been using his blog to slag off one his Parliamentary colleagues - namely John McDonnell. Well, quelle surprise! What does the fool think Thicko would do - support the left-wing loony? And he's a chap with more time on his hands now, so blogging is an obvious thing to do.

Clearly politics is a bit too complicated for the restricted brain of "Harry Perkins". Step away, I say, and leave it to the real grown-ups like Thicko, Pudding, Underpants and Ginger!