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Friday, February 02, 2007

Three News Items That Have Surprised Me

Greenwich & Woolwich CLP Almost Approves Trident Replacement

Such gentile people down at Greenwich CLPI went to Greenwich last night to debate the motion: "This Party believes that Luke Akehurst should stick his Trident missiles up his a**e". I'm never one to refuse a challenge, especially from such nice, politely behaved people as the members of Nick Raynsford's CLP.

Despite the presence of Kate Hudson, national Chair of CND and Mark James, Vice Chair of Save The Labour Party, I was very well received as I defended the importance of Britain continuing to devote massive amounts of tax revenue to the purchase of intercontintal ballistic missiles from our American friends, thereby boosting their economy at the expense of our own.

It wasn't an easy argument, especially when I was asked who exactly I proposed to fire them against, but at the end of the day I was given a standing ovation and carried shoulder-high from the room. (Well, either that or they gave me the "Walter" treatment, I'm not quite sure which).

Why we should lock up criminals and not deport themCricket Shock - England Beat Australia

This one speaks for itself.

Surely some mistake?

England managed to avoid a tenth straight loss in a row last night and beat the Aussies.

Actually I suspect that Duncan Fletcher may have learnt a lesson from this coaching technique of Arsenal last season.

Russian Shock At 'Gagged' Babies

Finally, the most shocking news of all - that Russian hospital babies have been gagged with tape to stop them crying.

What I want to know is - how the hell do they get the foie gras into them with their mouths gagged?

1 comment:

Elroy Partington-Whistler said...

These three pictures tell the true story of progress under New Labour.

The poor chaps at the top from the days of Thatcher can't even afford to be in colour and almost certainly ate lard sandwiches.

The ones in the middle show how standing on your own feet and being determined to win at all costs can bring success. It was never like that under the old-fashioned socialism of Foot and Kinnock.

And the bottom shows how things are now, with hospital waiting lists slashed and foie gras available for lunch on the wards.

Hip, hip, hoorah for Tony, I say!