Unsolicited CVs

Working hard on a Monday morning

It's Monday again. I do love Monday mornings. There's never anyone else from the management team around in Weber Shandwick and generally no customer meetings at this time of the week, so I can usually slope off and do some blogging. Which is a good job - because Linda has threatened to cut me off at the pass if I spend time on the PC at the weekend instead of helping her with the shopping, housework and looking after Augustus. So Monday is catch-up time. This morning I heard that Charles Clarke has offered his services as Prime Minister, saying in today's Guardian: "Asked if he might stand against the Chancellor himself, he replied: "I don't think events have made that a very possible set of circumstances, but I do not rule it out."

I hate to break it to Charles but there are not really hordes of Labour Party members clamouring for his handling of the Home Office to be replicated at No. 10. It should be obvious to even the thickest political commentator that what we need at No. 10 is John Reid's handling of the Home Office. Everyone knows that The Great Leader's biggest mistake of the past 10 years has been allowing a degree of obfuscation of the executive, legislative and judicial functions of government. There have been times when the electors have concluded (albeit falsely) that Tony has used his executive powers to improperly influence judicial decisions (e.g. Lord Goldsmith and the dodgy dossier, etc) and to influence legislative decisions (filling the upper chamber with cashpoint peers, etc).

As always, our American friends are right. Even though Tony is entirely innocent, the best way to demonstrate his innocence will be to take a lead from the US and introduce visible separation of powers. So we should take John Reid's brilliant strategy and apply it to No. 10, creating two new front doors (10a and 10b) with suitable internal refurbishment to securely segment the building. Under my proposed scheme the elected PM will reside at No. 10 and concentrate on wielding the powers of state. A First Deputy PM will reside at No. 10a and be responsible for judicial matters and a Second Deputy PM will reside at No. 10b and concentrate on legislative matters.

Keeping the Chancellor at bay

Of course I should make clear that John Prescott will not be invited to take up either of these new posts. Ruth Kelly and Hazel Blears should do nicely. I think we could also gain a distinct advantage by ensuring that the new doors are between No. 10 and No. 11, thus keeping the next Chancellor at a safe distance from his predecessor.