Thomas Dai Watson Shock

This has been one of the bitchiest weeks in politics I can ever recall, with everyone questioning everyone else's credentials based on the multiplicity of names they have used on election nominations. It reminds me of the 2006 council elections, when no fewer than five Hackney Labour candidates either gave different names or addresses on their nomination forms from those they gave on the electoral register or were not registered to vote at all. Mind you, there were a total of 18 Tories, LibDems, Greens and others who made the same administrative error, so ya boo sucks!

Whingers pointing out the minor indiscretion of name multiplicity included Thicko Watson complaining about Tony Lit, Tim Roll-Pickering getting back at Thicko, Kevin Maguire attacking Tony Lits senior and junior, Peter Ould pointing the finger at his own wife and Tony Blair and Iain Dale exposing himself.

But all of this is trivial when compared with tonight's shock revelation that my former hot water bottle sharer, "Uncle" Tom Watson as he is known to us all, was in fact born Thomas Amerawdwr Bedwyr Caradawg Dafydd Ergyryad Fflewdwr Gilvaethwy Howel Iddawg Jestin Kynwyl Llewellyn Mallolwch Neifion Owain Pryce Quin Rhychdir Sion Tewdwr Uchdryd Vaughan Wynn Xybwyt Ysberin Zinervain Watson.

This has come as a welcome surprise to Rhodri Glyn Thomas, who said tonight: "Despite earlier opposition from Rhondda's Underpants Man, I am delighted that Labour has at last discovered its Celtic roots and decided to join us in Welsh Government. Now we can follow Scotland in cutting our ties to Tory England and look forward to an era of self-rule.

Long live Owain Glyndŵr, Aneurin Bevan and Dylan Thomas. Ddyhea Buchedda Cymru!"

Personally I'm planning to head down there this Sunday to make my views known. I urge all other Labour Party members who live closer to the river Severn than to Sedgefield to join me - especially those with a spare £5.10 in change, a placard, a marker pen, a Swiss army knife and a sleeping bag.

Note to activists: the retreat journey is free of charge.